I Try….

Woke up this morning and just burst into tears. I am crying right now while I am writing this post. Need to go to my retail job real soon but I just want to cry in bed all day.

I have so many bills that need to be met. Need to survive. My husband tells me how he is managing and changing his out look on life and how I should do the same and be strong and let him handle it all….I know he means well but he is really coming off arrogant and just belittling me and kinda blaming me for the situation we are in which I get is my fault but does he not remember how he left it all for me to handle and he is quick to say how I never included him but in all honesty he never tried to get involved he just assumed it was all handled.

I am so not in the mood to go to work. I would much rather just figure out my next plan of action. Didn’t win the Powerball last night. I kept wising and hoping and praying that I will win they lotto of Powerball…and when I don’t I feel so let down and tell myself to stop throwing the lil money I have to play but then I will play again and again and just pray to win.

I feel so stupid! I just really want to win so I can sort my life out and really start living it right.

Last night I really thought of ways to end my suffering and life. But I cannot do that and won’t do that but I don’t see how things will work out for me. I keep applying for better jobs but I don’t have the credentials and I don’t have the money to study for those credentials so I am stuck. And I tend to live above my means….

I have a credit card I need to pay for.

I have Rates and Taxes I need to pay for.
I need to eat.

I need to get to work.

Life is really hard and I am trying so damn hard. I feel as if I am on my own. I know I could reach out but I don’t want to. I am scared and alone and just need something to work out. I need to catch a break!!