I Feel Real Bad…

After some internal fighting and pushing from my older sister I did it…

I sent the sister-in-law a whatsapp message last night…

Hey. I know it has been hard to find something. But I am going to need some assistance in keeping the flat going. Can you at least buy R 1000 electricity for the apartment, please.

She responded this morning. Whenever I looked to see if she read the message, it showed that she hadn’t, but I know there are ways to bypass that.

Earlier this afternoon she responded…

Hey hun, sorry only just got to messages now, it’s been busy with it being monthend & invoicing. I really am sorry that u even have to ask me for help and I can’t help out. I know u have had me in your home for a very long time and I wouldn’t have had it this way had it been something I could control. I am trying my best to get out and give you guys your space back because I can’t even contribute to anything and that’s why I try to keep to myself and not over use anything. I have to look after the 5 people I left in Durban & look at my statement. I get paid 13518 and I have a loan that debits R3670 every month and with the balance left, I have to pay rent which is 6k, fees R2,499 & I remain with R1,349 which I get them groceries & electricity. As u can imagine, this doesn’t even cover 5 people to survive the month, so Tk helps out. As it is, my period is staring this week, I have no tampons, body lotion, deodorant and literally all my shoes have broken / snapped coz they are so old & don’t know how I will sort myself out, because I have to sort them out first. I am sorry to make my problems affect my contribution 😞 but honestly don’t have extra money. If you like, you can put down everything I owe and I will pay you back when I’m sorted out. I would not keep money to myself and not help out in the flat if I had it

I didn’t know how to respond. This message really pulled at my heart. So, I sent it to my sister who called it BS and told me to stay strong and push.

I just stared at the messages on the phone and tried to pep myself up.

In the end I asked myself 

I am not bothered if she never speaks to me or if there is tension. There are always squabbles in every family and I grew up with my mother distancing herself from her family because of the tension they had towards her and my father and all their money issues and family trust issues. So basically, I grew up not knowing my cousins (from my mom’s side) and the cousins from my dad’s side are all much older and live all over the world so not fusses that I don’t really know them.

 Well if he leaves with her, I am not that bothered. If he chooses me over her then he can deal with the tension it may cause. I am not bothered of the repercussions. Just gonna suck how my whole  profile will have to change. I mean every album I have from the past 10 years he is included in and pretty much every 2nd picture is of the 2 of us. But you know what, so I start a new profile and just delete the one that I have now, I would filter out so many people that I am not even friends with anymore.

Anyway, where was I…

 well thankfully we don’t have 1 right now and I cannot fall pregnant until December, so no real loss there.

 Everyone is always complaining about how they don’t like their in laws. I always thought that I had it good since I didn’t have to deal with mine that much and whenever I did, I could just be fake towards them. So not having to deal with them ever again wouldn’t be a painful loss…

Finally I sent another message to her…

I’m really sorry things are tough. I earn less than you!!! You no longer can stay at us. You need to move back home then. I never agreed to you staying long term. You’re an adult and you clearly didn’t think this through. I’m sorry but this can’t be my problem. 

Her response:

it’s fine, I understand. it’s your place and I will make a plan to move out

I haven’t responded. I don’t intend to, right now. I don’t know if my husband knows what is going on and I don’t know how he is going to act. I actually don’t really care! I am done caring about everyone and making sure everyone is alright.