I Can See It All…

When I was a little girl; I remember spending Friday’s after school helping my mother bake Cheesecake for Shabbat. Of course I was young about 6 years old, so the best that I could do was lick the bowl and spatula once all was done, but hey my addition to the cooking was very important.

I look back now and so look forward one day doing the same with my daughter…

I don’t think there was every a weekend where our house was quiet. Either I had friends over or my sisters had friends over for the weekend. Let’s not forget how on Friday nights if we were doing Shabbat at our house we would have close family friends with and would have a whole medley of foods prepared.

I so want that. I want the life that I had growing up as a child. I want that home that my parents created for me and my friends… besides the fact that the cost of living is exorbitant I just live in a 1.5 bedroom flat with my husband. His sister has decided to move down so until she can find a house suitable to rent for her and her kids and my mother in law she will be living with us. And it is nice and all, but feeding 3 people every day is no cheap task. It kinda scared me thinking how I want to have children and how I am going to have to feed them…well at least we can hope for now that Breast Milk will be in Supply and in Demand for the first few months.

Often I will go onto Property24 and look at houses…houses that I know we cannot afford right now but we sure do hope to one day. there is this one house that I look at constantly…sometimes 3 times a day. I have told my husband all the lil things that I would change and add to the house. I look in furniture stores to see what I would get for each room. I have a Pinterest Board with rooms of how I would design and fit the rooms in my future dream house. I even have looked at schools in the area and freaked out at the school fees.

I have my future mapped out but it just seems to be getting harder and harder to reach.

I regularly play the  and pray to win. Each time I check the results and see that someone else won the lotto I just want to break down and cry. But a few days later…well weeks, once the total winnings is a nice sum, I will play again and holding my thumbs and pray and pray to win. I sometimes feel bad to pray to G-d to win, when he has so many other and more important prayers to answer. But then I think about what I would do if I had that big house. I would have my New Family (conversion friends) over and we would break bread together. I would have a better social life as I will have a place where I can entertain people and welcome them and not feel embarrassed. I could host my sisters and their kids…of course my husband’s siblings and nephews/nieces would be welcome too.

I can see it all…I just need to make it a reality!