He isn’t the Person you Love…

Call me whatever but it sure does feel good knowing that I am not the only person going through the same shit that my marriage is putting me through.

Been reading @ThatChrisitanGirl’s post and ever post is speaking to me and making me feel stronger, 

 

–  The Christian Girl’s Friend

I don’t think my husband is so much the guy I created in my head as much as he is the guy that he said he was all those years ago when we first connected.

Met him when I was in my early 20’s and we both worked in retails stores. Different stores. We got flirting in the store and even though I thought he was attractive I disliked the way he came across as a

         

  And after chatting on  and  I fall in love with the man that he creates. A man with drive and ambition and someone who cares for others and is friendly and is the perfect man to stand beside.

Not sure what has made me hold on for so long… I have known right from the start when he moved down and lived with me. And I guess over the years he has learnt to play up to my soft spots and make me see behind the lie and hold onto the man I thought he was a love.

So, after he came back home after drinking, he knew I was pissed off, so he gave me an oil back massage. I enjoyed it and stayed quiet…but figured I should  When he asked me for his…I said He was pissed but being drunk he fell asleep pretty quickly.

 

 

And he is all that, but I think what I need to accept is that he is going to continuously choose the bottle over me, and he won’t be enough. We both know I am driven by money, and I am always wanting the best. Now I can financially support myself…but I have come to learn he will give me the bare minimum and expect me to fit the bill for the rest. He loves the life I have been brought up in and have brought him in to join too…but I he isn’t willing to play his part to keep up with it.

For too long now I have been holding onto the man that he has created for me…I cannot say that is a lie so much as it now being the man that he actually is and can be and not willing to work towards being.

All that I have said/written/thought has made me accept that my husband is , I mean he does love me, and he does make me happy and let me cuddle and do what I like but maybe that is him doing all that to make me continue holding onto him…

 

 

 

Is he really that smart and is that really the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with?