Growing Up!
Damn does that suck!! I miss being a child and having my mommy and daddy to fix everything and to turn to.
Well I still have my dad to turn to, even though I try hard to actually be an adult and solve things on my own…so I don’t really lean on him until 
hits the fan and I am struggling.
My Bio mom has come to the rescue for me a few times financially and she has really been trying to help me, but I know she hasn’t got much and the financial luck she has received isn’t really luck considers it is all from the and she has struggled a lot through out her life.
She has been a true hustler through out her life. And I am sure it has hurt her knowing that I have always chosen my white family over her and been closer to them than her and her family.
Came home from work yesterday and finally things are placid between my husband and I. We haven’t been talking the last few days…he has been drinking lots and going to sleep right after work and just been stressed.
I drove his car into a wall a few weeks ago and so he has had his car in the garage until he can get his insurance to cover the damages. But a few weeks ago the car wouldn’t start…and today the locks won’t unlock and the car is dead dead…I googled and the electronic locks may not be unlocking because of the dead battery. But for the past few hours I have been thinking of how gonna make things work for us and get through it all.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life or how to sort it all out.
But today I plan to really get my head down and stuck on a plan and following through with it.
Everyday I see people possibly living a life that seems perfect and easy and something that I want.
In all honesty I think I just want an easy life and I know that isn’t possible. But it seemed possible when I was younger and living with my parents…my white parents and they were giving me everything that they could….and I worry about the kind of life I would be able to give a child, should I be blessed with one…please G-d.
I think it is time for me to grow up and really sort my life out and go make what I have work and to start living within my means.