Exhausted…
That is what life is. And I don’t have anything that is really keeping my busy, making me tired. I am just so fed up with running and going nowhere. Feel like my life is a Hamster Cage Wheel…
I am running and running and trying to do more but just not getting anywhere.
So, I did a Digital Marketing Online Course Last Year… that didn’t get me anywhere since I haven’t actually used what I have learnt of gone into that field of work…. 
I am regularly on , applying for jobs and sharing my current jobs posts, to show my activity and I constantly get notifications letting me know that someone has gone onto my profile…but I don’t get any positive feedback from my applications or posts. I guess I could spruce up my Profile Page, but I don’t know what to add and I am not really keen on spending money on having a
profile. Right now, I just have a free option.
My husband and I have kinda made up…. 
For the past few days he has been all loving and attentive and he has apologized for his behavior and has explained himself and I have internally admitted my errors and am questioning everything. But honestly, I don’t know what happens now. Besides everything being somewhat comfortable at home it is kinda stressful wondering what is going to happen next with us and wondering if I can trust all this.
The last few days I have neglected myself.
There are all things I said I was going to fix last week. But I have just fallen in a rut! 
But I want more from life.
My husband has told me repeatedly how hurt he is that I don’t want to have a child with him because of his drinking…and he has admitted that he has done things while drinking that he shouldn’t have…
He went on to say how he worried about me having a child and how my meds will affect our child and my mood… I kinda think he is doing a li 
dance, when he says that, but there is a lot of truth to what he is saying…hence why I am seeing a Fertility Specialist and a Psychiatrist and why I have shared their details to each other and letting them speak to each other and I am being honest with them. I am going to do what they suggest, and I am going to be the best mommy I can be. He tells me to trust how he will be the right guy when there is a child, and he will do everything to make our child’s life better and make sure they feel and know they are protected… 
I do believe that it is enough for me. I just need to pray hard that G-d will bless us with a baby and the perfect or as close to perfect home for it.
A few posts ago I said how every month I was going to do something 
July is a few days ago and I am not sure what I am going to do for July. Since finances are not strong…and I need to work on myself some more…and even though I have posts doing this before and I have failed…I do think I need to follow through. My husband is gonna be doing something similar…well the same (kinda) and will be including 
to his agenda…but mine will be…
I am off next week Monday – Thursday so I have no excuse but to get up and go in the morning…great way to get my started. I plan on just doing cardio and arm workouts for a lil while.
So, after this weekend will be working on all that!!
