Empty!!
When you give and give and give and feel as if you get nothing in return, it makes sense to feel alone and empty.
That is how I have been feeling.
I know he turned 40 so it was a big birthday. Would makes sense how I went all out for him. To this day I am still in shock at the gifts his family got him for his bday. Yes this was in February but I still think of how much effort I put towards his gift and his mother, sister, nephews and niece just got him some wash cloths to clean his car with and a few other car cleaning tools. His father, brother and family wished him. I get people cannot afford to go big etc but he turned 40 couldn’t they have even got him a bottle of champagne or even a key ring. Okay I know I did spend months planning his day and I went all big, but I guess that’s how I was brought up.
Anyway…I aged last week and he didn’t do much for me and that got to me. I mean yes he organised to get money from his father to be sent down to me so we could go and buy my bday gift which I love btw. 
I chose it.
I began writing this post about how alone and empty I feel. How neglected I feel…but my husband just came home now with a bunch of chips and chocolates and a bunch of flowers for me. Made me smile. But I still want to cry. He told me how he knows I felt down from missing our flight this morning and how hard I try and loves me. Part of me wants to wrap my arms around him but another part is asking why is he only doing this now and not all the time. He has been so distant towards me for days now and I have been feeling so alone and when I say that to him he questions my feelings and turns it around to seem as if I disregard him.
Oh well…gonna turn around and munch on the treats he brought him…sugar and chips does make one feel better…well at least it makes me feel better.
I don’t see your thoughts as unfavorable. Your thoughts are logical deductions from repeatedly witnessing the same pattern of action from someone you love. We can’t expect others to meet our expectations, but I think it’s fair to ponder patterns and make decisions.
The bracelet is lovely!
Thank you. I love the bracelet but now hate that it will always be tied to him.
I’m scared of the decision I have to make and how I am going to make it. I don’t think I’m strong enough to follow through.
But I need to do this!!
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The feelings you are having are absolutely valid and it’s important to address them and work through this. You’re doing exactly what you need to do in order to heal. You’re advocating for yourself and recognizing that you have unmet needs. To be told to just focus on the positive is something called toxic positivity. It just creates this false ideology that some feelings can be “bad”, but we are human, and humans have a wide array of emotions. Pay attention to what your body and mind is telling you, you intuitively know what you need. The idea of giving more (Effort, emotion, etc.) than your partner gives in return is a very, very relatable feeling for many of us.
@jubaliee I am sorry to say this but it is nice knowing that I am not alone. But it is horrible feeling this way and as if my life has been wasted and feeling to used. The things he says to me…and the things that he makes me think. I honestly wish I never med him 14 years ago.
@ncumisa I absolutely understand the idea of wasted time or wasted life, the only thing that makes me feel better about it is that it was such a valuable lesson that won’t be repeated. Unfortunately, alot of the bad parts of our lives are there for a reason and that is the lesson it will teach us. I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years that I’m leaving where I put in the full 100% since we got married. I feel duped, everything changed after the wedding. I wanted a refund lol.
@jubaliee 😘 Thank you for making me feel better about learning from my wasted life and marriage. I just don’t know how I am going to get out of it now!
@ncumisa Advice once given to me and I’m now passing onto you, have your own private bank account if you don’t already and squirrel away as much of your own money as you can.
@jubaliee Thanks. We do have separate bank accounts. Thankfully.
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