Divorced!

Kinda funny to think how I just may get divorced…but I was never legally married.

Since midday yesterday I haven’t been wearing my wedding ring…and I…

…I…

Today is Monday…back to work after a rather shitty weekend. Well at least for me it was.

Decided to have a romantic Shabbat Dinner with my husband on Friday. So made a lovely dinner…

 He enjoyed it. So did I!

Okay so part of it is my fault…he told me he was going to clean his car so wanted to buy 

He needed some petrol money just so he can start his car and move it around a bit… 

We went to celebrate  at my shul. He tried to stay in the car for as long as possible…to avoid having to have small talk with random people…I get that feeling, I felt like that too, but I sucked it up and did it.

There was  and every time I saw him, he had a new bottle in his hands. Even when we were about to leave, he made me stick around so he could open another bottle and drink it. He even gave the Rabbi a ‘Bro Hug’ 

So, I wasn’t very happy when we got home, but held my tongue!

Wake up on Sunday and he tells me that he is going to sleep so wasn’t going to come with me to my Sister’s Shul’s . I was okay with that…

Before I left, I decided to see if I had my purse with me. And I did, but I was missing a bank card. I looked around the flat for it…and even woke him up to ask him. He said that he gave it back to me yesterday. And I know he didn’t, I remember putting it in my purse, after he gave it back to me. So, I left.

 I was still driving! My Smart Watch vibrated to tell me that I received an email…and this email was a notification that this bank card had been used.

I pulled over to the side of the road and saw that money had been drawn out… at an ATM next door to a liquor store. I called him and he didn’t answer. I called again and he still didn’t answer. As I get back onto the road, he calls me…I asked why he said he didn’t know where the bank card was when he knew and immediately went to draw out money. His response was that when I asked, he didn’t know but when he opened his side drawer, he saw it and went to draw out cash. I put the phone down and went off to meet with my sister.

I left early because I was holding back tears the whole time.

I get home and he tells me the same story about how he randomly found it in his bedside drawer. I am thinking how, in order for him to have gotten it he had to have gone into my purse and taken it…and he had to have done this while I was sleeping!

Last night when I was going into the bedroom, I saw him try to hide a bottle of , under his arm, and when I passed him, I saw him move it to the other arm. He had been hiding it behind our bed. I went to sleep fuming! I refuse to talk to him and for the past 24 hours been thinking about kicking him out.

I did speak to my sister about all this yesterday and she told me that she understands as she went through the same thing…while she was going through it, she was self-medicating on ‘light’ drugs and crying all the time but trying to be strong for her 3 kids.

  Funny how last night I was watching Thursday Night’s episode of  and was just freaking out about how Bobby’s father could end up being my husband and my child could end up being Bobby and dealing with what Bobby has to go through…, , …

Generational alcoholism can be tied to either the person growing up in a home in the presence of someone with alcoholism or having a genetic predisposition to alcohol addiction .

And now I am scared…woke up feeling confused and considering maybe letting this weekend pass… but I did look up the cost of IVF and Sperm Donor online. But think I am going to need to figure out a way to live on my own first before I have a child on my own.

He just sent me a  have yet to read it…