Dating Site Suspicion..
When I think about this I get suspicious, but when it isn’t in my mind, then I am okay…
A few weeks ago while I was watching TV my husband came up to me and asked me what I am doing on a dating site. I laughed, asking him what he was talking about.
Apparently he found me on Bebo or something…I told him I have never been on a dating site…thinking he had confused the name with some social network that came before Facebook, called Bibo, that I was on for a very short time….I was like 19 at the time and only had like 2 friends on it…
Anyway so I let it go…
A few days later he told me how he wanted to prove that I am on so he joined ‘Tinder’ so he can show me…which he never did btw…anyway he got a message off Facebook from a friend of mind asking him what he was doing on ‘Tinder’. So he wanted to warn me ahead of her contacting me and asking me.
On Saturday, she told me and sent me a screenshot of his ‘Tinder’ page. I explained what he told me…she still said that didn’t make any sense.
My husband was high from smoking weed….so I didn’t want to get into it with him right then, but I brought it up on Sunday…and he told me the same thing and brushed it off.
He registered via Facebook…hence why all his details are on there…but Facebook says he is married…and I would love to see his ‘Tinder’ page, but I don’t want to have to register or anything.
I mean if he wanted to cheat why would he be so stupid to do it via ‘Tinder’ to do that? Well last time he did it via WhatsApp…
I mean I really do love him and I know he loves me…but maybe this is just another sign that he is just settling with me until something better comes along…or…FUCK! I think I am going to do it…maybe I should go on as an Alias…
Oh, honey. If your gut tells you there is something off about this – investigate it. Our gut instincts don’t usually lead us astray. And if by some chance there is nothing going on behind your back, you can delete your Tinder profile – no harm, no foul, but you have to know. This is too important to not investigate it further. When something seems fishy – it usually is.
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I started creating a profile…but it just felt wrong so I stopped and deleted an app.
Now I am talking to him and trying to get it out and speak to him and find out what happened and why.
Maybe this is a ‘Trust’ issue and how I do trust him, but I feel as if I am holding back. Fuck! I don’t know. This is so hard.
I dunno.
@ncumisa The best way to instill trust isn’t to toss suspicion back on you, though. That is a classic cheater move. It makes you feel guilty, and it makes you question your own motives – ie: trusting him.
Go with your gut, sweetie. If you feel something is off, it most likely is. Trust is earned, and he has to earn it back. He hasn’t done that, and for your own protection you can’t just give it freely in this case. Sadly, the saying once a cheater always a cheater is actually true. I know how badly you want your marriage to work, and how much you do love him. He needs to prove the same – and be consistent about it… long term. It’s not usually something that gets fixed in a few good weeks… or even months sometimes.
@caria – I want all that. But I don’t know how to get it across to him without sounding needy or naggy.
Maybe I should make the move and make the booking to see the Marriage Counsellor again. Talk to him through her.
@ncumisa it’s never negative to say what you need. You are allowed to have your needs met. You just have to be comfortable with what you’re saying and asking for.
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It sounds a little fishy to me. Why was he looking in the first place? And then to say you were on there. Stupid. But if he was high who knows. BUT this is a big red flag to me.
He wasn’t high when he said that he saw me on there. I am so fucking confused.
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I find it odd that he would even know you were on tender unless he was also on it. Â sounds like a guilty man LOL
@kaliko -he actually said that he went on about seeing me once one Bebo, which is also a dating site. I thought he had in confused with Bibo, which isn’t a dating site, or at lease wasn’t when I went on it about 16 years ago.
So actually why did he go on Tinder to catch me out if he thought he saw me on Bebo?
Right now I am chatting to him on WhatsApp about this, and he is singing the same song about going on there to show me that I am on there, and how he used his Facebook profile, but still I don’t feel right about this.
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His whole story is suspect. Why would he go looking for you on there? And if he did truly find “you” on Tinder, why didn’t he screenshot the profile to show you? People who are guilty of cheating accuse their partners of cheating. Classic narcissist move.
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The joking about you being dating sites gives him a reason to say that’s why he downloaded it when the news gets to you that people are seeing him on there. He’s trying to look like he’s on there looking for your profiles out of suspicion, so when your friends/his friends see him on Tinder and tell you about it you’ll say “Oh he was just making sure I wasn’t on there and probably forgot to delete it.”
As far as it is connected to his Facebook he could hide his marital status or leave the married status. Many people on Tinder simply don’t care.
My last relationship ended because I found my guy (now ex of course) scrolling on Tinder next to me as I slept.
No good news comes from this.
I’m sorry to read this and the pain it must bring you, Peace.
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Definitely seems sus to me. My bff scrolls tinder all the time and finds so many people she knows husbands. It’s sad.  😕
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Thank you ladies. You are all right, it is sus. And why not blame me first to throw off me looking into him.
Fuck!!
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