Crossroads!

Everyone is so quick to look at your life and tell you what to do and are disappointed when you don’t follow their advice. I mean I take on their advice and appreciate it, but they are not really in my position and really know what I am going through.

Right now, I am standing at a point where I am being lukewarm towards my husband, and I see that he is trying…

• I mean he is doing what I am asking and being attentive and making an effort
• He is asking me what I need
• He has seen how tired I have been lately and has been consoling

…but I cannot help but wonder if this is just to manipulate me and make me think everything will be okay between us and I hold onto him and don’t officially end things.

I do have a price. But that price seems too much right now and so I am willing to settle, and I have settled in the past for comfort and someone to share the rest of my life with.

Very easy when others say to move on from him, when they have their kids and social life. I am on my own without him. But I can’t just settle with him, I have to be willing to make it work beyond what we have and he to be willing to keep up with how he has been the past few days.

Nest week Friday I am seeing my therapist…well she isn’t really a therapist since she advices me on how to live and look at myself and do…so hopefully I will get to talk to her and let it out. I also plan on seeing my father this weekend and maybe have a nice 1 on 1 and maybe he will give me some good advice, as he is in a similar position too…but whereas he is over 80 and has lived his life, been married to the love of his life and had three daughters and done well for himself, I am 38 and so I may be too young to just settle.

But I have become so used to seeing my life with him.