Closing Chapter
That is what yesterday was all about. My last day in a job I did for almost 9 years.
The messages of gratitude from suppliers, clients, office neighbours and colleagues was tremendous. Made me feel really special to know what an effect I had and I didn’t even know it.
But I was still excited about the new life I am going to start in just a few hours. +/- 35hrs to be precise.
But I am still in a predicament! I am going to need petrol and as of a few hours ago the ‘fuel light’ went on in my car.
The prepaid electricity is pretty low and when it is down to 0 I don’t have the cash to buy more electricity.
I have a fairly new work wardrobe and enough food in my kitchen to not go hungry for another 2 weeks or so but today I turned to my bank app to try and get an another loan.
The loan app took forever and so I stopped it and will try again tomorrow…but it is Sunday so I don’t know if it will work.
I told my husband all this and he has been pretty down for the past few hours. And in a way he has been kinda blaming me for not being attentive to his feelings. I have been trying so much and so hard to make all this work and happen and I honestly still don’t feel like I am getting much from him.
Earlier today he moaned about wanting to get out the flat so he needed money to put petrol in his car, so he asked me for money and I was like ‘sorry buddy but I can’t help you…’ …maybe that is why he is moody with me. Well I am picking up that his failure to keep us a float and be a ‘MAN’ and handle e everything is bringing him down.
He sure has a funny way to show he is a ‘MAN’ when things are going good!
He doesn’t really have any control of anything in the flat that he lives in with me. Yesterday his work IT guy brought him a new work laptop and so he needed the WiFi password and so he asked me while I was at work. It really irked me that he didn’t even know it. Yet he uses the internet at home. Then when I was at home he freaked out because he couldn’t find batteries for the wireless mouse…so of course he asked me where they were. I bitched about how his work doesn’t pay for anything and he works from home. I have been going on and on about how he uses our wireless mouse and keyboard for work and I am not seeing any compensation for that. He is using the internet in our home for work and I am not seeing any compensation for that. Yeah this working REMOTELY is great and all until the expenses add up. Until I become my own boss and have the space for a separate work space from my main house/home, I don’t want to ever have to work from home unless it is an odd occasion.
With all the new clothing I am stocking up on for my new job (thank G-d for buying on credit) I have seen how much weight I have been loosing. It is so great seeing that!
Today I have been running around and so hit 10 716 steps!! I should aim to make that many steps a day. Although I have been hitting on average about 4700 lately.
I really hope that tomorrow I can sort out my financial problems!
Some men… well, people… just don’t get the mental burden of having to constantly take care of these menial tasks like they’re a child and you’re their parent. Sending you thoughts of mental fortitude.
Thanks for the good thoughts, @jubaliee It really sucks how some men just don’t grow up and handle the things of being an adult. Well my dad did, why can’t my husband? Funny how I ask this when I just told my husband that I would stop comparing him to my dad and how he was reliable to get things done. But really why can’t my husband?
@ncumisa Your dad absolutely is your first impression of what a man (husband, and father) may be, and your husband should be smart enough to realize that. I’m sure he subconsciously compares you to his mother (mine sure did).
On social media it’s rampant with women and men at each other’s throats, the women fed up with men not holding themselves accountable and to a higher standard and men fed up with women ‘not being worth the effort’ or just turning the argument back around with the blame game (I wish I were kidding, if I had heard a reasonable and thoughtful counter argument, I would say it).
I don’t think it’s as cut and dry as that, and I’m aware that social media isn’t a fair representation of the greater people but it’s a very strong trend. I don’t even know how or what the fix for this would be. You have to want to change, no one can make you. That goes for your husband too, he will not change unless he wants to, you can find peace in the fact that its not in your web of control.
As for now, I’m perfectly happy to be single and childfree at 37 because I don’t have the patience or mental strength to deal with that anymore, but I offer a shoulder cry on, vent to, whatever my girls need 🙂
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