Breathe…

My husband spent the day out with this sister…because of the tracker on my car; I knew were he was all the time….well I could guess where he was.

….started off at a pub and this was before 11am….then went to a church…then a drive around the seaboard… at about3ish was a pit stop at a pub….. I know he loves this restaurant/pub. Before I made a reservation on Thursday I asked him if he was okay to go…. I mean I was gonna be a good wife and make sure he was okay. He tells me he doesn’t want to be tempted by going there and would rather  us go somewhere else, which kinda turned out to be a restaurant with a bar and we ended up drinking lots….like for about a grand.

Anyway where did he go today? He went to the place he said he didn’t want to go, because he would be tempted to drink.

He came wreaking of alcohol!

What bothers me is how his sister knows and speaks about how he is with alcohol and she knows that he will do whatever she says…but she doesn’t stop him.

Yesterday they spoke about hos drunk they would get when they were living together in the UK. And how the mixed with others that would get shit faced and high on recreational drugs. I mean I have always known about that stuff and was okay with that as that was then when he was in his teens/early 20’s and who doesn’t experiment? Okay the most I have ever done was  and serious 

But through it all I have kept myself sane and not terrible upset…

Yesterday when I had my  session with my psychiatrist. I admitted to her that I haven’t been taking my anti deps for a while and so she was upset and threated to tell my sister. Begged her not to and we agreed of me going back on them.  I need to stick to something! DIETS! GYM! MEDS! STUDYING! There is so much that I want to do and get out of my life, I really need to stop pointing the finger and get it right!