Another Ruined Night!

Yesterday was the start of a very religious and spiritual time for many people across Earth

After faffing around in the morning…I took a lil nap and woke up to a lounge that wreaked of alcohol. I know I didn’t drink anything…so the culprit had to have been the one that had been sober for almost 2 weeks.

Immediately I was not happy and my Pesach Seder night was off to a shitty start.

After pushing him to get ready we finally made it to Shul a few seconds before the service started.

It was a wonderful service, but throughout it; I had to listen to my husband whisper to me, about a Lady standing in front of us…he even told her .

Then he had to start some conversation with a couple who were sitting next to us…this resulted in them moving seats.

While we sang prayers in Hebrew he would also sing along…not sure what he was singing as his Siddur was not even open and he didn’t know what was going on.

Throughout the service myself and someone else in the shul, kept asking him to put his mask on properly…he would act as if he didn’t even know it was off.

Finally we were seated for dinner at the Shul.

It was just 4 of us siting at our table…kinda felt sad…other tables were lively and enjoying their time, I was not in much of a mood to talk much and often throughout the night I was ready to just get up and leave. But for some odd reason I stayed until sometime after dinner and we had song the Birkat Hamazon.

My husband kept playing with his phone…

• I have caught him doing this on many times when he was drunk and we were arguing.

My husband would ask the other guy sitting at the table with us weird questions…

He would point out senior people and laugh… 

I had such high hopes for last night and he pretty much ruined it for me.

This morning before Saturday Morning Shul Service I agreed to make breakfast. So after fussing and demanding for it I got out of bed and prepared the Scrambled Eggs, Crushed Matzah…I heated he pan on the stove…boiled the kettle for tea for myself and while cooking and putting things in the sink to wash later, I saw a used cigarette bud and match lying in the sink.

 and 

So I plated his breakfast and on the edge of his plate I put the wet used cigarette bud and match stick. When he saw that he was not happy at all. While I plated breakfast for myself I heard him march to the bin and shout to me… – not sure if I am meant to feel threatened.

I am just so livid. Think I will find the energy in me to go burn some mad vibes and feelings off; while I do some workout at gym just now.

His mother is at his cousin’s house, she leaves tomorrow, but we are meant to go and fetch her so she can spend the night at us. He can think again if he thinks I am going to go and fetch her. He can go and drive and fetch her.

The whole time when I was sitting in shul and taking part in the Pesach Seder I was thinking how over the years I have tried so hard to be accommodating…accommodating to him, his family and religion…twice this year I have asked him to join me in my journey through Judaism and both times he has ruined it for me….Okay if I am being honest I have asked him more than twice through our life together…

 The first time he met my family. My father was having a braai and the whole night he kept filling his class with whiskey.

 We were in JHB for my one sister’s daughters Bat-mitzvah. It was over my birthday and so as a family we went out for supper and he was drunk at the table. The gift he gave me, was a gift that I actually bought for him to give to me. Then for the Friday night supper he spent majority of the night drinking and smoking outside in the garden.

Right now he isn’t welcome to join me when I go to my family. You would think he loved me enough to resolve this tension…but he hasn’t bothered to do much…I mean yes he has spoken to my father a few times but often has been drunk when he has called my father.