Another Monday…

A whole new week has begun, and I really wish I was still stuck in the last week and not feeling as muddled up as I am feeling.

I don’t know where everything stands with me and my husband. Yesterday morning I sent him a message giving him until the end of the month to leave. But throughout the day with all his pleasantries and a calm atmosphere behind us and his apology, I find myself falling again and wanting to take it all back.

But then I take it all back and, in a few weeks, or months I am back to this same spot.

Besides the turmoil of my relationship or lack of one, I need to find a way to make more money. I was thinking yesterday, maybe I should just take a chance and do the trading thing. I could open a new account, so it doesn’t touch my perpetual account and the risks are limited. But then that is more bank charges and shit…but when I am making more money those charges will become so elementary.

I need to start thinking about myself and loving myself. Yes, I have my sisters and my father and bio mother and bio half-sister, but I need to start putting myself first and start living for myself.

Like tonight I am making crumbed schnitzel that I like, but my husband has mentioned before that he isn’t a big fan of… and you know what!  He does a lot of stuff that I am not a fan of, and I have let a lot of that go in the past and it is time that I put myself first. I mean this isn’t  but I need to start living.

Just the other day 15 young lives were lost, and they were just playing football and being kids. Life is short and I have to start living it again. A few post ago I said how I was going to do something fun and different every month.

   Wow! That seems so long ago, but that was only in June 2024.

 I didn’t do anything this month! That sucks!

 Seeing my therapist regularly for a few sessions, that have been booked in, just need to pay for them. Pre-booked 4 sessions, so that will take me into September. As I will be seeing her bi-weekly.

Not sure where that is going to leave me and my husband. Or what I am going to do next. But I am going to do what makes me happy! May that be staying with him, going to gym, investing in a trading thing, buying a house and living on my own, diving more into G-d…I don’t know but something has to change in my life.