Am I Unlovable?

We haven’t spoken since Saturday Night.

So much has happened between us, I don’t even know where to begin and get it all off my chest.

We missed our flight to JHB for my sister’s wedding. He paid for me to change my flight so I could go up on Sunday morning and make it to my sister just in time….so thank you him!

I came home yesterday afternoon…

Bed Hadn’t Been Made

Kitchen Sink Full and I know I left it empty on Sunday morning.

Washing hadn’t been done

Mouldy Walls were still Moudly and he said he would do them

I could tell he had been drinking.
I complained about the unmade bed and so he made it with me.

But when I came home after doing shopping he had gone out.
Not sure where to.

We haven’t spoken since we made the  bed together and we didn’t even talk much then. I just complained at the dirty marks on his side of the bed from his spit and food stains.

Today I came back from work and he was still in bed. I cooked supper, showered, cleaned dishes and I could hear him snoring.

When I came to bed and got into bed to watch TV he got out of the bed and relocated to the 2nd bedroom/Study.

I don’t have a “Master” and I am grateful of that. I am a PROUD WOMAN, who can care for herself. But I do feel like his servant. I think it is time to stop talking and to actually ‘Cut Him Loose’

So what if I am 38 and Childless? So what if I don’t have much to my name. I will no longer be his DOORMAT…or his ROOMMATE…

I am tired of being used and only loved enough to be eluded and fooled into giving.

My Biological mother is the same. I love her, she is my mother…I was born because of her but I am not still living because of her. She is so quick to tell me she loves me and sweeten me up, just before she asks me for money.

I need to do this now!! Can’t cut myself from my bio mom but I can from the man who claims to be my HUSBAND and PARTNER.

On Saturday when I confronted him about his drinking he quickly brought up the fact that I got us…well more like me since the flat is in my name…in debt from failure of paying Rates and Taxes. He went on saying as if the little lump of money is enough to see us through the month…never mind how I have cleaned out my savings trying to keep us a float. The fucker had the audacity to tell me to sell my car; which I paid for in cash and owe nothing on, to get us out of our debts, while he will still keep his car that he is struggling to pay off still. After owning the car for just about 2.5 years now he barely even owns 2 tyres of it.

While I am writing this I am asking myself what is wrong with my me? How has it taken me so long to see all this? Why can I stand up to everyone and everything else, but him? Pls G-d help me show him the door and make sure he stays out of life.