אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 84

This past weekend there was a simcha in our family. My little nephew became a man. Well, he is only 13 so he can’t go around signing his life away now but in the Jewish tradition he will now be counted in a minyan and is regarded as a man.

While he was up on the Bima I found myself often wishing my mother was there to be with us and see her grandson stand up and read from the Torah. I shed a few tears. But they were not just tears of sadness, but I was proud. Proud of my nephew and what he had accomplished and if I am being honest, I was a lil jealous at what my sisters had. They each have 3 amazing children.

The Rabbi spoke about the 3 Spiritual Pillars of Judaism, and I found myself thinking how meaningful those pillars are to m and how since I have changed my life to live by them, I have felt more complete in myself.

I haven’t completely given myself to G-d but lighting the Shabbat Candles and living my life in a more Jewish way has helped me feel closer to G-d. I still have a long way to go but having that center and being in the synagogue and reading the Tanakh and Siddur and being able to follow the service has just made me feel whole and like myself.

Getting right with G-d is not a quick thing, at least I don’t think so, it is a lifelong journey. And U feel that since I have converted, I have gotten onto that path to G-d and am making a steady journey towards him.

Of course, there is so much more that I can do and there will always be. But when people around me remark on how well I am doing in my personal life; losing weight and looking good, and how the leaders in the shul reach out to me, on a community and personal level, I know I am doing the right thing. I know that my mother would be proud, and that Hashem is proud of me, and I am doing the right thing.

To me prayer has never just been about Friday nights, or Chaggim or when I go to Church. Whenever I needed to feel close to Hashem, whenever I needed him, whenever I wanted to relay a message to my mom or feel close to her, good times or bad times the only way that I have felt that I could communicate with Hashem was through prayer.

But this past year since converting I have realized that prayer is more than just asking Hashem for something. On Shabbat when I sing from the siddur and read the Amidah, I notice how we thank G-d for all the good that he has done in our lives and in our week and day. I find that a lot more meaningful. I know when I get thanked for something even when that is just giving another driver right of way and get thanked for that, I smile, and it is almost as if a ray of light shines out of my heart. Just imagine how much better the world would be if we all took more time to be grateful and thanked each other for little things instead of being on such angry and negative missions every day.

The little Charity that I did with the Shul last year has given me a better standing in it. Tonight, I get the honor of opening the Arc. While growing up that has only been an honor given to men, but tonight I am going to be giving that honor and I couldn’t be happier.

This year when I helped make sandwiches for Mandela Day, I felt so good. Giving some of my time to fill someone else’s.

This year I also went to Glendale to spend some time with those that needing some care and love and attention. Charity is so much more than just giving to someone else. Well at least to me.

Tzedakah or Ṣedaqah (Hebrew: צדקה [ts(e)daˈka]) is a Hebrew word meaning “righteousness“, but commonly used to signify charity.