אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 47

Having grown up in a Jewish Home. Having sat at many Shabbat dinners and taken part in Lighting the Shabbat Candles and listening to my father or family friends say the Kiddush and HaMotzi you would think I would know this off by heart, right?

Well I know the Prayer to light the candles, pretty much as well as I know how to speed dial my father’s number so that is no problem….but last night during Hebrew when I had to recite the prayers while reading it in Hebrew I stuttered a few times.

I felt so confident when I said I would do it, but I stumbled on a few words and had to stop reading the prayer as I was just not getting it. (Felt kinda embarrassed, but hey I am learning.)

Now there are a few others in my class who seem to have Hebrew mastered…well of course 1 of them lived in Israel for a while and maybe others are just able to put in more time to studying and of course a few other students have Israeli husbands. But that is no excuse for me now being able to read Hebrew and reciting a few prayers intuitively.

Tomorrow in Hebrew we are going to be going over the prayers again as well as the Shema; the holiest of prayers. I know that Prayer off by heart. Since the Shema is such a  Holy Prayer, when it is recited you are to always stand facing the Arc or Jerusalem and to cover your eyes while saying it, and so that is what I have always done. But in the Progressive Shul it is not done quite like that. Yes when it is said the congregation will close and cover their eyes, but will still remain seated exactly like they were before. And now whenever we say The Shema, I am the only person, well besides those standing at the Bimha, standing and facing the Arc. 

So I have printed out the prayers and I plan to spend the next 24+ hours going over and over and over them so I know it all. I really need to put in more work into my studies.

As a child growing up, I have always been surrounded with people. May that have been family or friends…heck even my Barbie’s, I was never alone for long. Now of course while growing up it is expected that relationships would drift apart and you would find your new family and circle. Now as much as I would like to blame certain events for my lack of never finding my own Adult circle and clinging onto the relationships I could hold onto and the one I have with my husband, I never made the effort to make or continue any real relationships.

I blamed it on a lot of things, and as true as those reasons may have been I never felt the need to change my bubble of life with just my husband. Until now. Last year I decided that I was going to find my true  religious and spiritual calling and I was going to convert. Little did I know that I would be creating my own new circle and family while embracing on this new calling…