אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 63

Even when I was following in the Christian Faith I would still do this every year…I would light the Yahrzeit Candle on my late mother’s Yahrzeit. Well, I would light one on her Gregorian Memorial and on her Jewish Yahrzeit and since I am converting to Judaism, I have been lighting one for her on High Holy Days, too.

Yesterday when I went to buy the yahrzeit candle to light on Wednesday; 9 Heshvan 5783 her yahrzeit, I couldn’t find one in the shop. It just added onto my sad mood, and I just missed her so much. Last night I kept thinking about what I would give and do just to have one moment with her. I missed her so much. It is just so not fair that she is not with me. So not fair that she got taken away from me. I know it was 12 years ago, but it is feels like it was yesterday sometimes.

This morning I got an email from the Jewish Cemetery to remind me of the upcoming date, and so I bought her a leaf for her tree of life.

The tree of life as a metaphor for the Torah comes from the Book of Proverbs, which uses the term three times, the most famous of which is the saying in Proverbs 3:18: Etz chaim hee l’machazikim bah (“She is a tree of life to those who grasp her”). This line, referring to the Torah, is commonly sung in Ashkenazi congregations as the Torah is returned to the ark after public readings.

Proverbs also likens the “fruit of the righteous” (11:30) and a “healing tongue” (15:4) to a tree of life. And the term is the title of a major work of Jewish mysticism by Rabbi Hayim Vital. In the Jewish mystical tradition, the tree of life refers to the well-known diagram illustrating the ten divine emanations.