Then again…
[ ANOTHER ENTRY BEFORE THIS ENTLTLED: Birthday. ]
So, this holiday season was disappointing at some points. Each time I had made plans with cassie, they always got either changed or clanceled. oh well, it’s that season. But that doesn’t bother me so much.
the fact that I had to spend christmas and thanksgiving with cassies family isn’t that bad either.
What seems to be bothering me the most right now is… me.
Mainly, jealousy. I’m not an outwardly jealous person. I don’t want to be jealous, I don’t want to be suspicious. But my past relationships have kind of beat it into me. But fisrt, christmas night, cassie had been planning to “party like a rock star” ie, get wasted before going to the club.
But first, know this. I don’t like the club. I hate it. the atmosphere is shit. She always tells me about 2 creepy guys that night that had stalked her and danced with her. This plus drinking doesn’t sit well with me. Plus, the way she dances. I don’t get it. I know i know. It means nothing. but the only time I danced with her, mind you, this is BIG. I don’t dance. At my wedding, I’ll feign a broken ankle to get out of dancing, but I did once for her. Watching her dance with other girls and one of her friends, some guy i didn’t know. Just pissed me off. it made me feel uneasy, thats when I decided to leave. she always dances with these folks, and I trust her, i jsut dont trust them. but the fact that she’s 20 and wanted to get wasted before going also doesn’t wit well with me.
last time she did that, she was grounded for a month. she’s 21 in a few months though. And I think its moreso just I’m not sued to my girlfriend drinking and dancing. and I don’t know how to get past it.
the only thing I can think of doing is staying silent, and letting her do her thing. No way will I interfere with her social life like that. I just can’t goto the club I guess. I can’t handle it. I wish I could. I wish i liked dancing. I wish I enjoyed the atmosphere. If I knew more people, It’d be okay. but im too shy.
I’m just depressed about it all. so much i can’t change that I want to, so much that I feel that I don’t want to. I just want to be content. But I cant be. because im too fucked up.
I’m just too fucked up.
As always,
James
AIM/MSN: Ziktick(@hotmail.com for MSN users) feel free to contact me. – jhoffoss@gmail.com
QUOTE OF THE MOMENT:
Question for ya – Does she ever do what you want to do? It just seems like she has A LOT of growing up to do. Getting grounded at 20 is odd and her letting it happen is even odder. Why doesn’t she get out of that house if it’s so bad? Okay, so that was like, 2 questions instead of one. *sigh* Hang in there. I wish I had good advice to give you but I don’t. (((HUG)))
Warning Comment
BTW – Stargate SUCK A**. I hate that place as much as you do. *shudders* It’s a place for icky guys to pry of innocent, naive girls. It’s good you go with her but you shouldn’t have to feel/seem like you are babysitting her. She seems to be the one that’s selfish. **Caution** – this is just my opinion. I don’t know her so I can’t say too much.
Warning Comment
Well, girls just do “dirty dancing.” It’s how we are. Don’t take offense. luv and pickles,
Warning Comment
*hugs* I’m so sorry hang in there.
Warning Comment
James sweetie, I have some things to say about all this but its not my place to say it (unless you want me to that is). I just hope it all works out and you are happy. Thats all that matters to me. I’ll ttyl ok? Love ya lots! ~Lindsey
Warning Comment
It doesn’t seem like she’s giving too much into this relationship…dude, you two need to chat. YES TALKING SOLVES ALL. Or maybe just some missiles… hmmm.
Warning Comment