Those thoughts I once wrote about all so long ago

Artists love to romanticise moments, and indeed I do indulge.
Today though, I realise that it was not in a moment, this thing that has grown, that has undone me so completely, and left me shattered.
I come to understand that it was built slowly, piecemeal, one tiny experience at a time.
The over-romanticised moment was simply the very first step.

And so today I grieve.
I grieve for the loss of something so precious, for something I can unquestionably do nothing about.
I grieve for the loss of something that is gone, every day, on-going, until any one of a selection of very bad ends.
A thing that is enduring in the daily actions of people, specific people, people dear to me, that I am exposed to with crushing intimacy.
It is a grief that is as powerful as any celebration, and I realise that after all of the words, the discussion, the theorising and philosophising, that in truth at the end, all I am left with are my tears, and countless questions that I know will remain unanswered.