Spoil yourself (contains course language)

They always say that in the ads, strange though as I don’t watch telly (DVDs only), but I think I see it in print-media too.
I better make do though, as instructed.

— Oh my god!
– Yay, oh your god.
— Oh my god you came you just got here!
– I did just get here.
— And you’re… sitting down already and have a drink and that’s just delightful. Who got you that drink?
– Um, I don’t know his name, the one with the…
— With the crazy blonde spikey hair thing and the…
– No the, he’s wearing a coat.
— Oh cold-man! I call him cold-man. It’s fucking 30 degrees right now and he’s wearing a jacket.
– Do you know him?
— I don’t… I think he’s with… he’s my cousin.
Blink
— I love you.
– I know dear, you love everyone when you’re drunk.
— Pfft, silly, I’m not really… well, but anyway, yeah it’s, I mean it though. I really love you.
– OK.
— Like… I really, really love you. For real.
Eyebrows
— Oh fuck! Oh shit… shit! Shit! Shit!
– What’s wrong?
— Shit fucking shit-fuck! I said it out-loud. Oh fuck.
– Is that the wine talking?
— No goddamnit. I mean yes. I mean, yes I’m sauced but I mean it, I’m not going to forget, you know I never forget stuff, I’ve never been that drunk. You’ve seen me drunker than this.
Laugh
– I have, you’re quite right.
— What am I saying? Shut-up! Shut the fuck up! Oh holy sweet fucking…
– I think you should sit-down.
— I’m going to the toilet.
– Please don’t lock yourself in the toilet.
— I wasn’t going to… how did you know I was going to do that?
– Why don’t you sit down here next to me?
Blink
Wide, wide eyes
And a small voice
— Can I?
In return, a sober, seductive smile
– Of-course.
Sits
— I’m so stupid.
– Not stupid, just drunk.
— I’m not drunk.
– Your heart’s not in it now.
— I wasn’t supposed to get drunk and tell you I loved you.
Sniff
— I was supposed to stay sober and tell you I loved you.
Pause
— I mean, and then, at first I was joking you know, I mean really,
Turn side-on on the couch
Raised eyebrows and a smile
— When you’re pissed you love everyone, right?
– Of-course.
— See so, but then sometime later on… um… actually I don’t remember how it worked.
Stare
— Crap.
Pause
— I stuffed it.
– I wouldn’t say that.
— And it’s not fair, you’re not even pissed yet.
Pause
— Maybe, you know, you can just… act like it never happened.
– See, and that’s how I know you’re not as drunk as you think you are.
Pause
— I need to go to the toilet.
– You do not.
— Don’t! … Don’t do that thing where you know exactly what I’m thinking. I hate that. I hate it. Especially when I’m drunk but not drunk but still drunk.
Stare
Tiny voice
— Crap.
Bites lip
– Oh come now, that’s going too far.
— What?
– Are you going to start gnawing on your thumbnail now?
— … no.
Pause
— Yes.
Stare
— No!
Tilts head
— Don’t look at me like that. It makes me feel like…
Inhale
— Like I can’t hide from you.
– You could always go to the bathroom.
A petulant, jab of the jaw
— That’s not what I meant.
– I know what you meant, and you can blame however many bottles of wine you’ve had for it.
— I know I know see? See how stupid I am?
Wide eyes
Stare
Leaning forward
— Oh my god I must have no… um… what’s the word…
Stare
— What’s the word?
– … Oh you’re asking me?
— Yeah the word that means, the, thing…
– Um… how could I possibly know what you’re thinking?
— Well you were doing just fine before weren’t you. Dignity! That’s it! See I’m not so drunk I can’t use big…ish words.
– You shouldn’t say things like that, that you have no dignity.
— But I don’t! I mean, I just… did something… absolutely stupid, made a fool of myself, and now I’m just hanging around for kicks because I can’t get enough punishment.
– You haven’t let me speak yet.
— You’ve been talking a whole lot, thanks.
Exhale
— Oh don’t sigh your long-suffering sigh at me.
Inhale
— Alright!
Exhale
— I’ve made up my mind.
Blink
— I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom for the next… until I wake up, and then in the morning you’re not going to be here.
Blink
– That’s what you’re going to do?
— Yes… that is what I am going to do. I think.
– I can’t convince you otherwise?
— You can’t – convince me – otherwise!
Puts glass down
– Well here’s what I think you should do.
Leans forward
Into personal space
Lips towards the ear
And a sparkling whisper
Pause
Eyes widening
Mouth open
Inhale
Lean back slightly
– What do you think?
Stare
Blink
– Shall we do that instead?
Mischief in the eyes
Playfulness in the mouth
— Oh yes…
Barely an exhale
— That… is a much better idea.