She with her tea, me with my coffee

Inhale
I hear it behind me, and the question is coming
– Nav,
— Yes.
– I don’t…
Blink
And the awkwardness
She’s trying to think of the right words to use
Communicating with me must be so different
So unnatural for her
– Not unnatural so much as…
Stalls again
— Don’t stress about it.
Sip
Strong, black coffee
But her Jasmine teapot is also airing into the room
– I’m not stressed, I just don’t want to upset you, or rather I want to be understood. I want you to understand.
Turn around
Stare
A neutral face
The same neutral face we all seem to have
I put conscious effort into sensing my own facial muscles
It feels the same
Neutrality is their power
Our power
Our everything I guess
There may well have been one too many minimalist films poured into the soup-cycle
Too late now
What has been combined cannot be separated
— Do you always drink tea?
– Yes.
— Does he always drink tea?
– No. I don’t think so.
Pause
When she thinks, her hair stills
I still can’t decide whether each serpent is independent or not
– No. Usually he drinks coffee, like you.
Exhale through the nose
That’s about as much effort as I can put towards laughter
She smiles
A very small but very… firm smile
And I think at that moment she looks like him
Even if just a little-bit, bar the hair
Her face is different, jaw, cheekbones, forehead
She’s clearly feminine where he is more androgynous
– And you masculine?
She raises her eyebrows slightly
— I have no idea.
She drinks
Turns to the side
Looks out at the garden
The plants and the car
– Yesterday, last-night, that was a really nice drive.
— It was.
– And being up there for so long, it was wonderful.
— We don’t get a lot of time to ourselves.
– Mmm.
Sip
I sip
– I like your friends.
I raise my eyebrows
Still with these instances of un-readiness when she mentions my life
I don’t really understand how things work with her
Inhale
Exhale
Stare back at me
Stillness
– Nav, at first I thought you were…
Stare
– Laying an intricate puzzle, a seduction. Something to bait curiosity.
I blink
– But I’m not really quite sure now.
Stare
– I don’t know if you want to talk about it.
Her middling-low, measured voice is beautiful
Rich
Smooth
Calm
I imagine it’s one of the things that makes talking to him very easy for her
— I’m writing all of this down for… myself.
Sip
— Because it’s… it’s what I think matters most to me, so I want to write it down. To read it whenever I can. I don’t know. If I ever lose my way.
– Or if someone wants to come and find you?
Sip
Nod
— There’s that.
Sip
— Don’t think I’m not still seducing, it’s just that I’ve come to understand it will take a very peculiar beast indeed to catch on to all of this stuff.
Pause
— Of-course the other side of that is everything he’s building.
Worlds within worlds within worlds
– But the more selfish you become, the more you isolate yourself to protect others from your selfishness.
— Sure, why not.
She opens her mouth to say something but doesn’t
I seem to have this effect on her
I’m sorry for it
– Don’t be sorry.
Yeah, OK
– Don’t be sorry Nav.
Stare
– Don’t be sorry.
Inhale through the nose
Close eyes
Sip
Mouth-full of coffee
Hold in the mouth to savour the full flavour
Open eyes
Swallow
– I don’t really understand you very much.
Pause
– I wish I did.
Slow blink
– But I am. Beginning to understand you. A little more each-day.
Stare
– Some days more than others.
Close my eyes
– There’s no way I can convince you. It’s up to you to believe me.
Open
— Today?
– Hmm?
— Today how much do you understand me.
She holds her cup in one hand
Resting on her knee where she sits
Vapour slowly rising from the surface of liquid
– Very much indeed.