sadness | joy | balance

the ultimate loneliness isn’t really a sad thing
one gets accustomed to not ever having any real company
people come close
sometimes you get real close for a long time
and then you leave people behind
or their paths take you away from one another
but people come close you know
sometimes you think they might even understand you
or something
understand something larger than just
themselves and the problems they seem to struggle with

but you know
what can you do
there’s nothing you can do
so you keep walking around in life
seeing wonderful things you know
being amazed
and there’s no-one you can share it with
no-one who will understand the words you use
to tell them about it
but it’s beyond the words – or perhaps the form should be
before the words
because you know the ideas are just too big
except they’re not
they’re not big at all
i mean, they’re pretty big
and you might not get them with your head you know
comprehension – the linear understanding we’ve all become accustomed to having
but the experience – the feeling is just

so
now we’re getting into those things i can’t explain
because you won’t understand them
you can’t see them
haven’t seen them before
can’t qualify them against your prior experiences
we certainly do tend to live through history
and for beings capable of insight and inspiration
that’s really sad
but it doesn’t matter
because you don’t care

you’re still struggling with the idea of yourself

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Commentary
March 22, 2010

I am really fond of this entry; its subject matter and its form. I still write about this very thing just in a myriad of different ways now, as with most things that have come from my writing roots. This is very conversational and though quite rough, would be part of the development of my conversational tone throughout.

This may also be one of the earliest if not the earliest instance of me combining seemingly juxtaposed ideas that are actually not at odds with one-another, or perhaps exist in the same instance in seeming paradox. I really do love this kind of thing, and this entry is a flag in my history of how early I was observing and admiring it.