Predatory instincts

Something about innocence
Something about ignorance…

I rather liked those lines; they’re from a piece I wrote a little while back.

Love and lust are interesting things to be sure. I for one have to be mindful of my motivations. Unfortunately I love conflict, I love challenge. I love the art of constructing a good argument and developing it while it’s rolling in full swing. Not all challenges mean conflict though, some of them are very calm explorations, expositions of uncharted territory.
When it comes to partners, I should be a little bit more careful – timid or apathetic people do not make good emotional companions, however sometimes they make the best subjects to exercise my argumentative and challenging skills on. There are those who are given to be drawn to that kind of confidence, but as I learnt from my last relationship, that doesn’t always mean they’re fully capable of dealing with it. One of my many faults is that often I don’t have patience, and a short patience and a brawling spirit are not a good combination. Any companion of mine will need to learn quickly that I’m fully capable of arguing viciously to the teeth without ever losing track of how much I love; yes, conflict is a form of intimacy to me.
Of-course this doesn’t mean I’m always brawling, not at all, but for the purpose of this discussion, I won’t go on and on about my expressions of intimacy. Anyone who has read me for a while, especially my other diary, will know about the softer facets of my character. Anyway.

*Sigh*. I love talking. I love talking to myself. Aside from my abstract sense of communication I have with my mental construct, I just love typing here in my diary. Exploring my nature is always fun, even when it reveals or casts light on things that aren’t the most pleasant. I have an amazing lack of sensitivity to other people’s nature sometimes, and often pursue arguments where they may not be appropriate. I’m not necessarily saying that people should be protected from conflict, just that there are times where it will achieve nothing, well, at least for the other person, most likely because they’re not enjoying it nearly as much as I am… if at all.

Are there such people out there? Someone who can match not only my sense of intimacy, but my sense of challenge also? I often talk about social-dialect, something that my two best friends, Chibi-R and Jack, have cultivated with me with great agility. Is there a lover out there who will be agile enough to develop a deeply complex yet affectionate lover’s dialect? This is no slight against timid people mind, simply that the dialect of a timid person is very different to mine, indeed every individual on the planet has their own dialect. The difference is in the individual’s ability to evolve and grow that dialect in order to embrace someone else intimately. Even people who lack confidence in themselves have a dialect, though they’re mostly far less aware of it than others and tend to do emotional damage to themselves and those around them because of it.

Man I could just go on.
See, when I whinge, I do it properly.