Not the oddest of moments

Because they make sense to me
In the past I may have been tempted to call them the oddest of moments
Nevertheless
Here at my desk
Reviewing my work
My tasks
And thinking about my life
After years of talking so much, I do believe I crave the attentions of someone to whom I can say nothing at all
It is a strange place to be indeed when one can both talk the house down and also enjoy absolute silence
It makes a very clear, very logical sense in me
So too my joys;
Plastic things
Complicated and intricate things
Simple and minimal abstracts
Then the emotional engagement
The struggle
The conflict
Always one willing to do battle
The obscure and strange ways in which I derive and enjoyment and reward
The pile of subject-matter on language, dialect and translation

You don’t have time for this
And I don’t have the time to explain it to you
Then I think of the Visitors and what you think of them
The Strangeness
It’s too much
The good thing is it’s not an exhausting thought, at least not for the moment
It is in part resignation, in part dismissal, in part an amusing assessment of the various folk around me, bless them
We are quite difficult though, us crazy people
In some ways we are so dependant on you, yet in many ways so independent
The shape of beauty changes
I don’t think we can show you
It’s a shame
I think some of us would really like to share it with you
It’s just so different from what you tend to encounter every day

And so at this moment I remember my father – as always
In some ways he understands the least
In most ways he understands the most
Seeing me as I am when my body fails
All the glory and energy of youth and human vitality gone
He has seen me the most departed from myself
From resembling his son
The boy and young man he has known for years
That makes his understanding of my life the most powerful one

When I think about the encounters I have with people
Some transient, others enduring
I think to myself
I can forgo friends and lovers
I am proud to have had my father – to still have him
Lovers will come and go
We will immerse ourselves in intimacies to varying degrees
But for my father
I am most grateful
I am most humbly thankful
I may ponder the theoretical quality of any potential lovers for the rest of my life
But for the relationship my father has cultivated, has nurtured, defended and upheld, regardless of my headstrong youth or my troubled health, there is simply no measure