Embrace Chaos

Advisory/Warning: Do not read this entry.

You don’t understand the context it’s written in and it’ll either offend or compel you, neither of which is likely to be good for you. I’m going to endorse doing all manner of things to do to yourself bordering on the line of legality and definitely against good and proper sense. You have been warned (provoked/invited/deterred).

I honestly hope I never cure my insomnia. It makes being in the correct/most efficient frame of mind for work extremely difficult and now I prefer it because fuck work. I’m still able to perform my duties above requirement levels and perform tasks outside of my role with a high degree of accuracy and I’m satisfied with that.
Sleep deprivation has been proven to have devastating effects on mental health and I say go for it. Deprive the shit out of yourself of sleep. It shifts your perception, affects your judgement, twists reality and why the fuck wouldn’t you want that? If you saw reality for what it was you’d be crushed by the banality of it. Most of the time we are expending mental energy to keep our heads above a psychological water level in order to endure a repetitive and meaningless existence so distort it. Destroy it. Struggle. Live on the edge of your awareness, on the border between fainting from exhaustion and bursting with creative energy. Go three days on two hours’ sleep, destroy your kidneys and liver with caffeine and feel the levity of sleep deprivation. If there’s room for one shred of sense in this entry, it’s to be careful operating heavy machinery/motor vehicles. For yourself, fine, destroy all you like – no matter how frustrating it may be though, let others make their own decisions. Right. Enough altruistic platitudes.

You spend so much time and effort attempting to create order and order is boring. Order is meaningless. Order is also non-real. The universe was forged in chaos and is still enthralled in it. All life is chaos in super slow motion, in which every rule will inevitably be broken and/or become redundant. Entropy is the final governing rule for everything and chaos will forge matter together and break it apart over and over again and that is fucking amazing. It’s thrilling. Why on earth would you want to reduce the opportunity for disruption in your life? For what? What will have happened? What will have been given life? What will have been given beautiful, horrible, wonderful meaning – birthed into existence in an abstract representation only to die in a wink of time to be forgotten forever? Order is nothing but the lack of meaning. Its only purpose is to mitigate all meaning in order to delay the inevitable combustion of all things physical and non-physical.

Don’t just ride a high for a few days and then catch-up on your sleep, purposefully contrive your life not only so that you force yourself to wake after three hours’ sleep, but you have no choice but to wake after three hours’ sleep. Even on weekends I have commitments I either have to be up for or that will come to my house and shake me from my bed. Shit yes. Why on earth would I burn my own time away from work with sleeping? Life becomes frustrating, harrowing, amazing, inspiring, compelling. Consume everything. Consume people, consume art, consume conversation, consume thought. Be generous and give whatever you can to the people around you so that you might all be something more than just matter because we are just matter – nothing changes that, but we don’t have to make each other feel like just matter.

Order is a rock, innate and non-living (versus dead which is a different thing). A rock is order and it has no agency, no perspective, no spirit and no meaning other than to be a value in an entropic calculation of determination. It is subject to everything and it can do nothing. You are a rock. Right now you are a stone, a substance, a collection of atoms and cells that do nothing except exist. Maintain order and that is precisely how you will die and precisely what the value of your life will be.

This is perhaps five percent of my thought and two percent of context.

Go to bed early.
Maintain a safe and stable social group.
Have your kids.
Feed your family.
Be a good citizen.
Vote responsibly.
Verbalise morally.
Assimilate culturally.
Disturb nothing.
Create nothing.
Be nothing.