All my secrets

I am thinking the things I am thinking and I can’t stop myself from thinking the things I am thinking and I think that’s my problem.
I can’t stop seeing the things I see that make me think the things I think and it’s just far far far too interesting.

And then reading people.
I can’t stop seeing the people I see and seeing the things they do and reading them and thinking what I think when I read them and that’s plenty and also not enough.

It’s wonderfully, amazingly pleasing to have come to understand something, the neurochemical click, the rush of literal, lateral, context and subtext, seeing the Whole come to completion so that the entire form is available.

It is also disappointing. It should be more. The sum of its parts should be more.

The sum of their parts should be more and the thought that it is. It actually is more. It’s always more. And it always takes so much to get to that more and I’m tired of setting my back against that barrier and pushing with might and meagre delicacy.

So.

While learning about others, we learn about ourselves.
While learning about you, I learn about myself, also everyone else around me.

These things I have seen and thought and done and understood.

I have decided it is a race and I am winning. To succeed, I must lose. I must lose, and it must be you that beats me. That then, is the ultimate challenge, and it has been issued directly.

I remember issuing it directly and have decided I should just do that.

At once entangled and extricated from the weavings of people.

It will not be enough to only go so far and to have me stop, turn, and see where you’ve stopped. You will need to keep up for days and days and years and years and at some point you will have to exceed me because that is what I want so now you know.