Thirty (one), flirty, and thriving

Wow.  Has it really been 8 years?  I can’t believe this is back. I literally just came across this by pure chance.  I’m a little speechless.

8 years ago, I was dating Chris, I had 2 kids, I think I was still in community college.. a lot has changed.

So I’m 31 now.  Chris and I are still together – going on 10 years this August.  It will come as a shock to no one that we never got married.  We have 4 kids.  Everett And Wallace joined the club. We moved, but we’re still in the same city for now.  The kids are now 12, 9, 3, and almost 6 months.

I finished community college .. And then my 4 year.. And then my masters.  I did internships, and I was a clinical trainee for years, and now I’m fully independently licensed.  I have 8 letters after my name.  I am a literal therapist now.  I work at a nonprofit and my specialty is treating kids with trauma.  Who would have seen that coming? Not me. And wouldn’t you know it, I am still living paycheck to paycheck 😂 I like my job some days.  I had the best mentor I could have ever asked for, Susan. She left the company but we worked together for 5 years. She taught me so many things, God she’s a brilliant human being. I miss her at work. I have a few friends at work, but we seem to be going through a big shift in employees so I’m feeling pretty alone.  Especially because of the pandemic I work from home mostly now.

In the 8 years, we bought a car, we took the kids to Disney, I switched jobs a few times.  I live in the nicest house I’ve ever lived in.  By most counts, I’m doing more than just fine.

Both of my grandma’s died in 2018. That was really hard.  I spoke at one of their funerals – nobody else would. I became closer with my grandpa, but I still feel guilty from time to time that I didn’t call or text enough.  I think of my maternal grandma often. She was often more like a parent than my parents. I really wish she could have met Wally. She did get to meet Everett, albeit not in the best of circumstances.

With all that being said, I am struggling lately. I don’t want to kill myself, I’m not harming myself, I am just .. so sad. And honestly, I feel like rightfully so.  I was thinking about how this website used to help me so much when I was younger, and I was longing for a connection, an emotional release of some sort.  I am so thankful this is back. This feels like the universe giving me a win.