My dad ran away for a Nigerian man, I was disowned, and my grandpa is dying.

Buckle up friends!  I need to explain to you just how insanely messy my family got. And let me tell you, it was WILD.

 

So I had Wally in August. It was a super complicated pregnancy, I leaned on my parents a lot so I could go to the many, many appointments and ya’know, actual birth. This was hard for the kids sometimes, mostly lilly. My parents are often assholes. If she was feeling ill, they’d say she was being overdramatic. Or if she was talking about a friend, my mom would say she was boy crazy. They frequently hurt her feelings.

 

So I had Wally in mid august, and I was thinking that since they had watched the kids so much the past few months, they’d want a break from them for a bit. out of nowhere, my parents VOLUNTEER to take the two older boys. This was odd.  I mean, I normally have to beg or pay them to watch them. Since Lilly had had enough of their B’s she stayed with us. And the boys went out.  Grey loved going out – he loved swimming, and Everett LOVED hanging out with my parents and playing outside so much. He like worshipped my dad.

 

So I’m uhh.. a week postpartum at this point. I remember because I had to still take Wally’s pictures for the week. And I got a call from my mom. She said my dad had gone missing. Nobody could figure out where he had gone. First we thought the store for errands, then a friend’s house.. we couldn’t figure it out. He wouldn’t answer his phone, nothing.  We were calling the police, we got the extended family involved, it was wild. And remember – my kids are at his house. They are literally waiting for him to come home, asking my mom where is he?

 

Come to find out my dad had been pursuing a “person” he had been talking to online for a few weeks. He decided to leave my mom for who he thought, was a famous country singer and live a wild and carefree life. And he left leaving a note that he was helping a friend – who had no idea about any of thos. Now my parents had been married for oh gosh, 35ish years? I can’t remember exactly now, and he’s done some shitty things, but he’s never left her for another person before. We were all just flabbergasted. My kids were heartbroken that they were literally just abandoned by their grandad. We obviously came to get them, but the point remains.

 

So my dad, my low IQ father, has suddenly learned how to send money online. How to buy burner phones. How to work a GPS – all things he had never done before! To meet this “person”.  He ended up going on a wild goose chase. His family tried to knock some sense into him. I tried, my brothers tried. Mom tried. He acknowledged that he threw his family away for this person – who turned out to be a Nigerian man in New York, if I recall correctly.

 

Now, while I was trying to talk to him (he eventually reached out to me saying I  was stupid and he had just met another chick and to drop it). I told him exactly what he was giving up, and in NO kind words let him know EXACTLY how I felt. I called him many a things. But I also told him that if he was leaving, he’d never see me or the kids again. I told him he was being literally psychotic.

 

Was I out of line? Absolutely not. He had left my kids, my mom, high and dry. He gave zero shits about what this would do to any of us. And need a remind you I’m a week postpartum.  A WEEK.   I should not have to worry about Wear this man child should be I should get to enjoy my little sweet baby. But alas, he has to ruin literally everything. If you leave your grandkids your kids and your life of 35 years for a literal Nigerian prince You deserve to know how much you f***** up.

He called me a whore, which is hilarious given that he was actively trying to cheat on my mom. He insinuated I shouldn’t have had my children. He insinuated I had cheated on Chris. I forget what all he said but that’s the jist.

So he goes on to disowning me publicly.  Do you think my mom gave any s**** of what he said to me? Fuck no. She said I shouldn’t have been so hard on him. (He was the one who disowned me? He was the one who left his grandkids? What?).

 

I attempt to reason with her that this is abusive behavior that she shouldn’t have to put up with this stuff time and time again of him leaving and  blowing hundreds if not thousands of their money again. That got me nowhere. Well actually that got Justin to go back to my mom’s house who has suddenly decided to do “van living” BTW. And he decides that I’m not allowed to talk to Mom anymore.  HA. OKAY. The same kid who literally disappeared My parents going to get a hold of him for months at a time with his crazy ass manipulative f****** girlfriend? He is going to play gatekeeper to my mom that’s f***** up.

So eventually my mom decides that she’ll text me again. I tell her about how sad I am that My dad had called me all of those things and he had disowned me and she didn’t stand up for me yet again. I remember literally begging her for the sake of our relationship and I told her that even, I needed her to stand up for me anything.

 

She asks for the lawn mower she borrowed me for the season back and the $600 are borrowed from her while I was on medical leave and says she wants to drop off all of the kids’ toys. She took my dad back. She didn’t tell me that though. Justin stopped talking to me.  Marin deleted me off of Facebook. Tim wouldn’t tell me what was going on with Dad either because “He didn’t want to get in the middle of it”. Nobody would tell me anything about my dad because he disowned me. Not even my uncle who up until this point was trying to contact me to figure out where he was. He eventually found out but didn’t tell me. I eventually put it together.  My mom took him back and since my dad had disowned me she did too.  And so did Justin. And so did his girlfriend. Ironically enough, Tim and Mary were the only ones who did not.

My mom called on a few holidays, my birthday, texted on Everett’s birthday; sent a card for Lillys birthday (but didn’t sign it) – and I keep telling her, I wish things would be different, but 🤷‍♀️.  And it’s so obvious he is sticking to the disowning thing too- no phone calls from him, no texts, nothing from him only her. I do feel like she’s going to try to spin this to seem like I’m in the wrong for not answering her few calls, I think she may even say she never meant to have me feel like she disowned me, just dad.  But then explain why about the money, the lawnmower and WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BRING BACK THE KIDS’ TOYS that you’ve had out at your house for 12 fucking years all of a sudden?  He told her to, that’s why.

 

She left me a voicemail telling me my grandpa is dying but said I should ask Tim for updates because she’s giving me space because I’m upset. WHAT.

 

like idk what you want? If your husband disowns me, and you are with the husband, you are tolerating and accepting it.  I didn’t get one, not a single apology from either of them. Never once did she even check up on me or the kids after they were left high and dry from their grandpa. Not once did she check up on me with Wally, either.  I wish she’d stop calling and texting. I shouldn’t have to be the one enforcing the boundary of “if you’re going to disown me, then do it” cause this secret texting on the random holiday, secret birthday card bs is emotionally just, so fucking hard.  It’s just reminders of  the fact that I don’t get to have a mom or a dad or any semblance of a family because my dad disowned me because he wanted to have sex with a Nigerian man in New York!  Like, what timeline is this even??

 

And now, my grandpa is dying. He is being brought home for hospice care we think tomorrow and it could be hours or days he has left. And what am I supposed to do with that? Go and ignore my mom? Also he’s not cognizant (4 strokes in different parts of his brain along many other things). Like, the amount of awkward it has been, being repeatedly left out of family decisions (both with my dad and my grandpa now) has just been astronomical.  I have no idea how to go even (car trouble + COVID) but, with this added layer of yuck because of my mom being there is just.. well, yuck.

 

And now Tim said I should come out, that ultimately it doesn’t matter how I feel and I should put it to the side for now.  Which hurt, like it doesn’t matter I was ostracized? I know he just literally cannot understand what I’m going through, but it just sucks.

 

I am once again, on the outside looking in at my family. Nothing ever really changes. I’m just astonished they are just so willing to walk away from their grandkids. It fucking hurts.

I don’t have a village, but to be honest I don’t think I’ve ever had one.  Sometimes Chris and I talk about moving for the support system and getting a fresh start somewhere else.  You’d think you know, getting your master’s degree and being two working adults (plus side gigs) we’d be able to afford a move, hell, even a small upgrade on the house – but no, we cannot.  The village will have to wait, because capitalism ♥️