Day 848

It has been 848 days since the false accusation happened and our lives haven’t been the same. Days like today really bring me down, I haven’t heard from R since about 7am and normally he calls a few times to check in. Naturally my brains goes into worst case scenario every time because this situation has brought us nothing but endless trauma. I am trying to stay calm and grounded, more than likely they are on lockdown for some stupid reason or another, or they transferred him to another location— but what if it is something else? What if he’s sick or hurt? Prison doesn’t tell the family anything. Day in and day out I just have to sit here and wait until he calls to let me know he is ok. It is torture.

At least the appeals paperwork has finally been filed and we can begin that process. I am having a hard time even allowing myself to have any hope because our system is so broken, why would this process be any different? I still have such a hard time believing this is our reality. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this girl and her family have zero qualms about what they did to our family. People tell me I can’t fathom it because I could never do that to anyone else, but how can she not feel the slightest bit guilty? How does she live with herself after all of this? The system never even gave us a fair shot. Innocent until proven guilty my ass. They were out to get R from day one and make an example of him for their “Start by Believing” program. Four years in prison and a lifetime of registering with no evidence, a half assed investigation, and a lying witness who hid behind rape shield laws to manipulate our system. She has accused (on record) up to three people before she accused R, and even now we are hearing that there may be up to six, possibly more. They called R a predator and said he is beyond repair. They called him a monster. The prosecutor made up statistics and ignored facts. She was a good story teller. She won and I hope she never sleeps another wink. R is a great father and husband and has never had a run in with the law, minus maybe a speeding ticket and they tried to tell us he should be locked away for life because he’s a monster. That man has never hurt anyone in his entire life. He is always the first to offer help. I am so proud to be his wife and it kills me that someone has hurt him so much because they hate themselves.

He just sent me an email through JPay. Turns out the phone lines are just down which is why he couldn’t call. Every time something doesn’t go on routine I completely lose my shit. It’s PTSD from when this all started. I used to be a go with the flow type of person, now I am afraid of everything and when things don’t go as planned I can’t emotionally handle it. I’ve never felt more out of control than I have these last two years. I just watch my life being pulled apart slowly and I can’t do a thing to stop it. R and I talk about how we are going to write a book when he can get home again. We want to go public with everything that has happened to us but we have to wait until after we apply for an early release in July. We were told by our lawyer that if we start going public now they will hold it against us and deny any motions we make. They have already taken evidence and twisted it and used it against us. That’s how our system works. They don’t care about justice and finding truth, they care about wins and statistics for their careers. I used to believe in our system. I was so naive. Now I know better. I don’t trust anyone in the justice system. I’d sooner trust some stranger on the street than I would anyone in the court system. They are wolves pretending to be sheep.