849 Days

I am still struggling to find my way as a newly “single” mom of three. The burden is almost too much to handle. I have a job but can only work part time because of the kids school schedules. I have to be home in the morning to get them off to school and also be home again when they get off the bus. I can’t afford child care before or after school and since I am working part time, I don’t have any medical benefits. His union medical benefits end in April and then I will have to apply for medical assistance. I am already on food stamps so I guess we are going to have to go all in for help. It would be one thing if I found myself as a single mom because of choice, but this all happened literally over night and there was no way to prepare. We never thought this would make it passed the court room. We were so confident the jury would see this girl was bat shit crazy and see all the evidence against her, including her own lies on the stand, but all they saw was a grown ass man and a teenage girl and made up their minds. It didn’t matter that her story was completely impossible and there was no evidence to support it. It didn’t matter that the entire “investigation” was a scam from the beginning. They were all so hard pressed to make sure my husband was guilty that they never bothered to actually see what the truth is.  She claimed she was drugged and raped – yet there was no evidence to support it. The truth is that she tried to initiate something and it backfired in her face and she threatened R. Her words were “You know I can get you in trouble for this?” And when he asked why she would do such a thing she replied with “for the money obviously” and she left out home. I am convinced she came over that day with a motive. Why else would she show up and two minutes into being here start texting her guy friend that she was wasted? Two minutes. The jury didn’t even pay attention to that part and the prosecutor just played it off as “trauma” when questioned about how the storyline didn’t make sense. Fun fact, two months prior to this allegation against R she made another charge against a middle aged coworker for sexual battery and assault. He was arrested and they sued her place of employment for hiring that guy. I have the contract to prove it. When we finally go public with everything and how corrupt our system is, I’ll be sure to include that tidbit. We couldn’t use it in court because of rape shield laws. Which means not only could we not use her accusation  two months prior, but we also couldn’t use the other two people she mentioned in her interview with the SANE nurse at trial. We tried to demonstrate through 380 pages of medical paperwork that this girl was unhinged, mentally unstable, and suicidal before we even entered her life. The prosecutor twisted everything and said just because she has some mental health issues doesn’t mean she would make something like this up. They called my husband a rapist and a predator. The prosecutor asked the jury “She has had to years to come clean if this was made up. Why would she lie and put herself through all of this for two years?” Easy—- because she was too far in to retract her statement. She could be held criminally responsible. Once she got passed the police interviews and the evaluations at the hospital it was smooth sailing for her. She just had to sit back at home while everyone from the system protected her at every turn. She didn’t even need to be a good witness. She lied so many times on that stand and when she tripped over her own words the prosecutor just told the jury “trauma can do this – details are fuzzy”. No, the information was a mess because she was talking about a situation that never happened. I can’t wait to hold all of these people accountable one day. They have utterly destroyed our lives. We have lost tens of thousands of dollars over the two years before trial, we’ve been harassed, she’s harassed my son at recess, she’s made videos bragging and making a joke of being raped and then told the jury she was just participating in a TikTok trend. We’ve lost sleep, we’ve lost jobs, cars….we are on the verge of losing our home. My mental state is so poor. I have had two years of therapy, I’ve had panic attacks, I’ve had suicidal thoughts, I’ve had mental breakdowns and every day I have to wake up and keep moving forward because our kids deserve to have a decent life and right now I am the only parent who is able to do that because this girl took their father away from them. Every day is a mental battle, trying to force myself to get out of bed, be there for our kids, and figure out how I am going to manage our new normal. How the fuck am I going to provide for them with a job I can only work 32 hours a week at? I am going to school and taking 15 credit hours to try and finish my associates degree. I am trying to find a work from home job so I can work more hours and be here for my kids and maybe even get some kind of medical benefits. I am doing everything I can and I don’t know if it will even be enough. I don’t want to let my kids down but I feel like no matter what I do, I am failing.

How to I move forward from all of this?