depressed

 Lately I have been very depressed. I have often catch myself struggeling to do anything I am supposed to do. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. I often feel defeated and want to cry easily. I know I am season effective or seasonal depression. I have been thinking of trying herbal remedies to help treat for my depression. I can either wallow is a severe depression or I can find a way to make it work. I was on antidepressants for a short time when I was younger that the doctor perscribed. When I realized the side effects is worst then the actual depression. Back in 2010 I weaned myself off the medicine and swore I would never come back. Lately I have been so defeated because I cannot accomplish the goals I desire between running my friend around and helping my family when needed.

 I want a second job because I am simply not making enough to survive. Since I have been trying to get a second job all I can get is one rejection after another.I understand the job market is a bit tricky right now but I really wish I had a chance. I used to work with the compass group during the summer with the BoyScout Jamboree the compass group is looking for people to go to Virginia during Christmas to cook for a gathering. I really hope that I am that lucky I might be able to take time off around Christmas and work with the compass group. I dont know if I will able to get the job and I really shouldn’t really count my chickens before they hatch but all I have left in this life is hope.I keep hoping and trying again and again hoping that someday with hard work things will be better.

 I want so much to have a second job to help pay on my college loans.I keep asking Kmart for more hours but they are only able to offer me part time I cannot have overtime either. I often catch myself frustrated when I see my schedule because with winter time coming I am worried about my electric bill and my others bills. When I was a child I feared the dark now as an adult I fear the electricity bill.

 I often look at other people around me to discover that I feel inferior. Everyone has children,families a bit saved back just in case. I have 2 college degrees, no boyfriend or children. All I have is a mininum wage job. People around me have nice things and can have all kinds of nice vacations I cant have anything like that. On my days off I drive around and do chores for others. I have a car that needs fixed however I wouldn’t want a new one. Its nice vehicle it needs a lot of repairs it has its scratches but I am proud and its mine. People have been looking down on me because my car isnt in prime shape. My friend Mandy Dawn made me a liscence plate for my car that says "A Demon To Fix" it describes my car war because I often have to repair it on a regular basis.

 I am excited to say I paid off my blanket and got it out of layaway. Its beautiful and I am proud of it. My house has been so cold at night I often catch myself shivering awake my mom wants to get me a new heating blanket because my old one isnt working that great.She even offered to pay for it. I appreciate all my moms help. I really want to hang plastic across the windows and figure out ways to better insulate my house. ITs just to cold! I cant handle it and I dont want to turn my heat up more!

 I got to rush to work now. I just thought you’d want an update on my pitiful life…BYE!