boy scout cook job,beach trip soon,dad sick

I got the job at the Boy scout Jamboree. I am so excited. For 3 weeks I am going to be a cook for $12 an hour 10 hour days. I told Kmart I wanted 3 weeks off because I simply cant imagine working ten hours working with the boy scouts to work at Kmart for another 5 1/2 hours. Talk about exhaustion.. Kmart doesn’t respect me that much and its apparent for the way I am treated. I am going to take 3 weeks off from Kmart and earn the big money. When I explained to Kmart the situation they told me that they understood. I really like how flexible they are with people as long as you schedule the event weeks in advance. I am going to take part of the money to lay on my college loan and the rest of the money I am going to take to the beach. I asked Alex if he wanted to go to the beach with me in August but I am not sure if he’ll go with me. With or without him I am going! I told my parents about me going. They don’t want me to go alone. They wouldn’t mind if Alex went with me because they know he will take care of me. I am his ex girlfriend but he isn’t in a relationship yet so I don’t see what’s the big deal is. I told his family my intentions even though he isn’t brave enough to tell them I want to go to the beach with him. They cool with it but he’s hesitant. I hope he decides soon.

Alex and I are still friends and friends with benefits. I asked Alex back out and he said yes one second only to say he has to wait with the answer I asked him what was going on and he said he likes a girl name Trinity and asked her out over 5 days ago and didn’t give him an answer. I saw what Trinity looked like in a picture. She’s tall slender nineteen and look like a Barbie doll. I got upset. I am the opposite of a Barbie. I am short and curvy and 26. I don’t play video games and I don’t hang out with his friends.. He should of told me he was interested in her before we got intimate again.

He had me under the belief that we were going to get back together. When I cried he apologized for not telling me than but he said he never wants to keep a secret from me again. I told Alex if she was really interested in him she would have already been his girl. He told me I didn’t know women. Of course I don’t know women I am one! I talked to his family about what’s going on and they said all of them may or may not move to North Carolina soon and they don’t know what will happen to Alex. I told Alex no matter what happens I will always be his friend but if he gets with Trinity I just cant be around because I am jealous. I will leave for the safety of him and her. When I was younger I used to fight with other woman for a man now I learned to love myself and just walk away. I am not afraid to be alone. I have lost Alex before and as much as it would hurt if he wishes I can lose him again. If my life isn’t enough for him than I have no issue loving myself and leaving for my own dignity.

I told Alex’s family what happened and they are upset with him. Alex’s family told Alex that if he ever tries to get with another girl they never want to meet her until they are married. His family felt like we were perfect together and said they will never love another woman like they loved me. I was told I was perfect by his family. I have a close bond with his family. They think Alex and I break up was a mistake on Alex’s behalf. I am still friends with his family and him. I wish Alex would treat his family better. I will always be friends with Alex’s family and as for Alex well that depends on his choices.

Alex’s family are my pen pals. We send one another gift in the mail. That reminds me I need to write another letter this week. I send two of three letter or packages a month. His family lives an hour away from me currently but they might be moving to North Carolina. If they do move to North Carolina the letters are not going to stop. My friendships doesn’t end even if they move away. I want to still be friends with Alex but it just depends how he behaves decides how its going to end up.

Alex’s Aunt asked me to drive to North Carolina for a few days to see their hometown. I am debating it, It just depends if I got the money to do it. I been wanting to see their hometown they always talked about but I want to go there to hang out with them but it depends if I get the gumption to do. I asked Alex to come with me but he doesn’t want to do I might just leave and do what I want with or without him., I don’t depend him on survival Thank God I depend on myself.

I want so much to take a trip to the beach. I already told my parents of me going. My dad told me he might go back to Kentucky to get his heart checked out and to see if he needs surgery again. Now I don’t know if I can go to the beach like I wanted. I don’t know what’s going to happen because someone has to stay and feed the dogs. As always I am stopped from having my dreams but at least its for a good reason. I want my dad to be healthy and I would;t mind staying home for him to get the medical help he needs.

I don’t know why I am so chatty today. I guess because my life is so lonely. I don’t have many friends and I don’t have a bond with my co workers at Kmart’s. I got wrote up at work for accidentally shorting my register. Apparently I did change wrong and gave extra twenty dollars. I wasn’t to upset about it I apologized to them and explained I made a mistake. I hope I can improve my life soon and apparently my math skills.

I will write more later I just need to relax before work…BYE!