jumbled thoughts. sorry for the confusion

 (and as soon as i wrote the heading my mind goes blank lol)

i cant remember if my high school had showers or not. and for some reason its making me feel a little panicky. my mum took my lighter to do her stupid incense sticks. which she took from me also. and hasnt put it back yet. that pisses me off.

there is too much noise in my house today. mum is blasting red hot chilli peppers upstairs (a nice change from foo fighters, three weekends of that is enough thank you!) and the washing machine is beeping, sisters are yelling and mum is vaccuming. cant wait til monday when its all quieter.

i dont plan on watching the olympics at all. mainly because i dont have a tv. but if i was going to watch i would choose gymnastics and swimming. i love to watch them because they look so graceful.

i’ve been looking for a nice small minecraft server to play on. somewhere that has more than one person (me) that goes on regularly. like the server i currently play on. but i wont stop going to that server cos the people that do go on (i’ve met three so far) are really very nice. plus my houses on there are awesome. at first i had one near the desert, that is my first house. its hard to get lost in that general area cos there is also a huuuuuuuge treehouse not too far from it lol.. i can see it from ages away. but i think the third or fourth time i played it someone offered me wool cos i didnt have any and couldnt find any sheep. so i teleported to him which was a baaaaaaad idea cos i had no clue which direction my house was in. so me and this dude tried to find it by running, which didnt turn out to be a good idea cos we were going in the wrong direction and didnt even know it. 

i’m doing better.. at times. last night was bad. cos i couldnt stop crying and i felt like everyone hated me and were just waiting for me to die so i dont fuck up their lives anymore. i felt.. completely useless and alone and afraid and i was too scared to try and talk to anyone about it cos i didnt think i could handle not gettng any replies to my messages.. thats the worst feeling i get.. getting the courage (or feeling desperate enough) to open my mind to someone and not getting anything. 

umm… someone told me i wouldnt get into heaven if i killed myself… lol… i wouldnt get into heaven anyway cos i dont think its there. -shrugs-

i tried out a server last night for minecraft which was australian run. biiiiig mistake! there were so many people there and it was just a whole mass of people and my questions about the server went unseen. so i dont think i’ll be going back there. i’ll have to try and find a smaller one if i wanted to play with australians. although that would be weird.. i’ve only really played with people from the UK or Americans. its very rare that i stumble upon another aussie.

actually… thats only half true. but this part is a bit weird lol.. i play a game on facebook with corps and stuff, and most of the bigger stronger corps have a raidcall channel and facebook pages. some of the corps have allied together so share raidcall channels on the raidcall channel i go to, a few other aussies go too. one is an absolute dipshit. i swear to god, everytime i see him type or hear him speak i rage up and feel like punching him in the face! and there is another aussie i recently met in there.. that lives in the same city as i do. in fact.. he lives in the suburb i -used to live in- lol freaky huh!

today is going okay, i havent cried yet but i do kinda feel like i want to. must be residue feelings from last night. i dunno..

i dont know what else to write about. any ideas?