its always been like this..

two steps forward and then i fall off the road down a cliff and into water that carries me away with the tide.

i called dad to see if i could go over for dinner tomorrow night. and it started off okay, but then somehow we ended up in a fight and me in tears. i honestly have no idea how it happened. we were talking nicely and then bam, he starts swearing at me and i start crying, or it could have been the other way around.

i need a fucking break. away from everything for a while.

last night i posted a facebook thing explaining that i’ve been and am struggling for a while. and i got some replies, which made me feel good. cos they were nice. until the friend that has been ignoring me for like… ages posted a comment too.. let me see if i can access it

here it is:

So no more shots of sister hood? :p
Ill always be here sweets

i have no words to describe how it felt to see that. if she was always there, why didnt she text? or call? or even message me on facebook?? cos she was probably too busy with her not so fucked up friends thats why. out of sight out of mind.

the shots of sisterhood was when we used to go out together, we would start off the night with shots of tequila. and we were so close back then we called each other sister.

i cant type anymore, i’m too sad and pissed off to concentrate

A11A10ne

Ha! I like “brain puke”! Seems to me that’s what writing is all about. I understand too well what you mean when you say that sometimes you cannot keep up with your thoughts when it comes to writing, used to be the cause for my anxiety attacks in college which led to my diagnosis later. Relieved not to have to write under pressure anymore. Anyways, hope things are going better for you today(;

September 7, 2012

Ha! That’s awesome! Even if your answer to that essay question might have been irrelevant to the query, at least you made an interesting dialogue about dog food via the stink, hopefully keeping your teacher entertained at the same time! Hells, I would have at least given you credit(if I were the grading teacher) for keeping me enlightened(:

I love landscapes as well, though I’m not quite sure how my illustration with paints would turn out, probably looking like something by Picasso, as my works tend to lean more abstract, focused heavily on shapes, colors, and architecture. Find it funny, because your style of essay writing sounds a lot like me when it comes to conversation, as I tend to jump topics like that while speaking(:

September 9, 2012

You seriously have me thinking about attempting a landscape painting now (curious now how my brain/hand might translate the image onto canvass). It’s funny because the building where I work has some crazy architecture designs going on within its structure, so at times I find myself fascinated enough during breaks to take photos of its odd design. From the pics I create my paintings.

Anyways, just wanted to say that I like the idea of focusing the next painting on something different for a change. Either way, thank you for exposing me to new ideas and challenges(: My mind seems boring when it’s not able to blossom.

September 10, 2012

Might have to check out the Minecraft thing…sounds interesting…is it a game I can find online, or do I need to purchase it? Either way, I like the idea of a game where I am able to create something new/use my imagination.