Step 9/ Sun

….

Enough!!!!!!!….I need an opening…a break

Life keeps happening and it’s bigger than I can handel right now.

I  "self talk" myself into this  "I’m OK " zone but after a while I feel like I’m brain washing

myself to feel alright with my life.

cause I’m not…

There is nothing in my life that I’m happy about but my thoughts….What I see outside of my exsistance

makes me smile…

(the beauty in nature… philosphical meanderings… )

but nothing personal that touches me or is connectected to me

Something is up with beauty again…left me a message about paying her therapist. It’s the therapist I linked her up with 2 years ago  after she was raped… She went a few times but stopped after a couple of months…sooo whats up now??? You know that saying about how your child is like having your heart outside of you…it’s sooo true.  I don’t think it ever stops…It’s  worse now because I have no control…. my heart is heavy,  and I feel scared.

and on top of that…..

never mind

I’m self absorbed

Having a ruff go of it

this too shall pass,(BS’ing myself again…beats taking 30 to many sleeping pills)

or

not

If  not

 How will I continue to carry my load?

I love to wallow …not long…so let me

Then

The sun will come out

 

tomorrow ?

tomorrow…