Wish I Was Never Born

 All of you who know me on a personal level, do not call me and ask what’s up.  I’m gonna tell ya here.  Just leave me alone.  This is where I come to vent and right now I’m hurt and I need to vent.

On December 13, 2012 I had my Disability Hearing in Madison, WI with one of the toughest judges in the St. of WI.  He’s only granted 9 cases in 2 yrs.
I was told I had to wait at least 6 wks for his decision.  Well, I got his decision today.

My mental illness isn’t great enough of a problem with the State.  Funny thing is:  it’s great enough to get me fired from 2 jobs.  The state would like to see me try a job here in town. So they are sending me to Pizza Hut to work as a server for 24 hrs. a week.   Now explain to me how I’m supposed to do this with 2 torn meniscus’ on each knee and my left knee keeps giving out.

The other thing is:  the judge thinks that not all my mental issues have been worked on.  He believes I have something can’t remember what the attorney called it:  but I guess I’m a habitual liar and I only tell half truths. And I don’t know the difference between the truth and a lie.  He said that he feels that I use manipulation to get what I want.  And that my anxiety doesn’t really have anything to do with anything.

Well  Hell’s Bells………………………….

My father used to call me a liar all the time when I was a kid.  Even if I knew I was telling him the truth he’d tell me it was a lie. Then he would say:  "I wish you were never born."

Well guess what?? I wish I wasn’t born either.  I’ve been nothing but a big waste of time for everybody, and that includes everybody here too.  No one cares about me.  I’M A LOSER.

I loved how the State of Wisconsin psych dr. said:  Carol does not function at a normal level when in relationships. Notice she has been married twice and divorced twice.  Both ex husbands filed complaints of weird behaviors that they could not control.  So all you single men out there, stay away from me. I’m bad news. I’m a waste of your time.  So don’t even think about asking me out on a date.  And that includes all you guys from church.  I’m a WASTE.

I wish I could run.  I’d run.  But I can’t.  I’m fat and ugly and I’d be better off locked away for life.  Yea, put me in and throw the key away.  I’M A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SH**

Don’t tell me to change my mind.  I don’t want too.  Don’t tell me I’m worth something, because I’m not.  Let me live in my hole and let me be.

NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MENTAL ILLNESS AND THEY NEVER WILL.