Crying My Eyes Out

Last Wednesday night, as I was coming home from work, I passed the Ambulance garage in the town my daughter and mom reside in.  Both Ambulances were gone.  I said to myself:  "Aw crap!  One of them is for mom.  Well, I drove over to mom’s apartment and the porchlight was on.  This is a signal for the ambulance as to which apartment to come to.  I hopped out of my van and went inside.  All the lights were on, but mom wasn’t there.  I ran back out and hopped into the van and headed for my daughter’s house.  Got on their street and their SUV was gone, but the house lights were on.  I hopped out and ran into their house, to find my SIL Casey.  He said:  "earlier in the evening, mom wasn’t feeling well and if she didn’t start feeling better she was going to call the ambulance."  He then said that they had just arrived at the hosp. and were starting to run tests on her.  I thanked him for all that they did for her and I hopped back into my van and headed towards the hosp., with my heart beating 100 times per minute, wondering what was wrong this time.

Got to the ER.  The doctor on-call was the doctor that was going to take over her geriatric care.  Dr. S.  Got into the room mom was in and my daughter was there telling me what had taken place.  They had done lab work, chest xrays, nebulizers, urine, and general history and physical.  Dr. S. came in and said:  "everything on paper looks great!"  The reason why you’re feeling the way you do is because you have Lymphedema in you lower extremities.  It’s cutting off the circulation to your limbs and it’s making it hard for you to breathe."  Then he looked at her and said:  "I will be writing an order for you to go to the nursing home."  Mom looked at him and about went bonkers.  She said:  "my daughter takes care of me."  I looked at mom and said:  "mom, I can’t take care of lymphedema.  It has to be cared for by a doctor.  I’m not qualified."  Dr. S. was really good.  He said:  "you’re daughter and granddaughter have done a fine job for 12 yrs. taking care of you.  I don’t doubt that they could take care of you, but this is serious business.  Your mind is as sharp as a tack, but your body is falling apart.  And without the proper care, you will die."  With that mom looked at him and said:  "ok, I’ll go to Cuba City and no where else."  Dr. S. said:  "fine, you can go on Friday.  We will have a nice room for you close to the bathroom.  I will get therapy set up for you and you can take most of  you belongings."  With that he finished his exam and we took her home.

Thursday, I got the paperwork from the Social Worker and we did that.  Friday morning, I got up and realized that this was the day.  I had to have mom at the nursing home at 10:30am.  As I drove down to Cuba City I cried my eyes out.  I apoligized to God for not being able to care for mom any longer.  He gave me this reply:  "you did your very best."  It still broke my heart.

Got her to the door of the nursing home and there was a dog sitting in front of the door.  He wouldn’t move until mom shook his paw.  His name is:  The Cisco Kid.  He is a Lab/Collie mix and he’s probably as old as some of the residents!  The girls that helped me with mom were really nice.  Got mom inside the door and someone that used to live in the apartments next to mom yelled:  "hey, haven’t seen you in awhile.  Are you moving in today?  She said:  "yes", but don’t know what room".  Several staff members greeted her.  (BTW:  this is the nursing home that I worked in 12 yrs. before I went to the Mound.)  They remembered mom from when dad was there in 1994-1997.  We weren’t there a half an hour before someone came and took her to lunch.  I got to the dining room and saw several of the Sisters from the Mound that reside there, because we have no room for them at the Mound.  They wanted to know why I was there.  So I told them.  They went over and introduced themselves to mom.   I left and came back around 4:30pm with more of mom’s stuff.  She was mingling.

Even though my heart aches because I had to put mom here, she is doing fine.  Thanks to all that haved prayed for peace for mom and I and Joy in this transition.  Thanks for the posts on Facebook.  I truly do consider each of you friends.  Some of you I know personally and others I love to get to know each of you personally.  Someday I’d like to meet all of my OD friends.

Have a great day all.  Happy Summer.  † † †