Calm My Anxious Heart

Well, today is the last day to practice for the wedding that I’m playing for tomorrow.

My nerves are at their wits end, because one of the songs is written by a japanese pianist.  He’s far more advanced than I am when it comes to playing piano.  I’m old school, he’s new school.  I learned by John Thompson’s Book 1.  He studied Suzuki Method.

After I leave here, I will spend about 2 hrs. in practice this afternoon and then go back tonight for rehersal at 7pm, dinner before hand. 

It’s funny, because the people that I’m playing for are members of my church, but it’s not them I’m worried about.  It’s all the people that have never seen or heard me play that is bothering me.
I know that sounds weird to most people, but it’s how I’ve felt for many years.  I think it stems from the fact that for so long I heard:  "you’ll never amount to anything", "you’re not good enough",  blah………………………..
so part of me thinks that no one will like the music that I am playing or how I play it.

Even though I know it’s not true, it still haunts me.  Negative comments are the worst thing that parents can say to their children.  Calling them stupid, and telling them the things my parents told me has had a lifetime effect on my though processes.  Sad, but true.

Now to check my emails and FB.  Pray for me today and tomorrow.  I need all that you can muster up.

Love to all,
Carol