incase you ever want to track me down,

i take my cell phone to bed.

holy crap, almost four!  what is wrong with me?  why can’t i sleep anymore?  ungh.  my sleeping patterns are so messed up.  i don’t think all the shiftwork and partying is helping though.  although, on that note .. i’ve decided i want to quit smoking.  seriously.  i really, really want to quit.  on the other hand, if they had some sort of cigarette that had no health effects i would be one happy girl too.   i remember the times i’ve quit before .. no matter if i picked it up again, sometimes it would be months .. it seems as if i just can’t, not even for a day, now.  so frustrating.

and other frustrating things .. brad.  what a mess we are.  and i don’t know what, exactly, we are at this point.  i know he’s seeing somebody downtown.  what is wrong with me?  i would never let someone get away with this shit normally.  i am a one person type of girl, and at the least i’ve always expected that from the person i’m with.  ironically its what i rarely get.  but my point is, i never put up with this shit.  why am i now?  why does this guy have such a hold on me?  why am i letting him?

unnnghh.

there is so much more to that story.  i think its funny that i’ve written none of it in here.

i should find pictures to post.

i just figured i should update.  i’ve been sitting in the most bizarre position this whole time, too.  leaning completely backwards, head back, eyes barely open .. typing between my legs which are up on the desk.  how nuts am i?  and how dirty could that last bit be? 

haha.  goodnight kiddies.  i hope you sleep better than i will tonight.