09/11/2009

Hi,

Well I am sitting in my home enjoying some rare quiet time. Makayla and Aimee are off spending the night with a friend. It’s unbelievable how still it is here. I miss my little angel popping her curly head in my bedroom door every 10 minutes or so LOL. But it is a nice break.

I have not been feeling well physically. I think it is due to my stress over everything that is going on. My stomach doesn’t seem to like anything I put in it and pays me back in a horrible way. Plus I have been having terrible headaches. Yesterday I had a major panic attack. I used to get them quite frequently but hardly ever now. I had fallen asleep yesterday afternoon for a short time. I think I must have had some kind of nightmare because I woke up breathing hard with my heart racing.

This is kind of a funny story if I can manage to convey the humor in it. I was trying to think of who I could call that would have a calming effect on me and I thought of my cousin Erin. Erin has a very soothing voice and is just a very sweet person. She works for the City I live in and I couldn’t find her direct number. I ended up just calling the main number of the office she works in. I hate calling people at work and I try to keep it professional when asking for them.

A really nice guy answered the phone. He asked if I had been dealing with her directly. I said yes, so he said that he would try to find her. He came back a few minutes later and said he thought she was gone but would be back tomorrow. However, he was going to try and transfer me to where she would be and if that didn’t work he would take a message. Well the transfer didn’t work so I just hung up. I was feeling guilty because it was a personal call and I didn’t want to put him to any more trouble. Well then he calls me back! I see the number on my phone and I panicked even more. I didn’t want to get her in trouble and so I just let it go to vm. He left a nice message saying he would give her my name and number. Then a few minutes later the phone rings again. It’s the same number! At this point my mind is screaming "LEAVE ME ALONE!". I was not mentally equipped to deal with the situation at that point. Okay it is pretty hard to convey the humor, but just try and picture someone in a panic mode and getting phone calls from THE city. I’ve never liked getting phone calls from a city number anyway. It’s never anything good like "hey you overpaid your taxes" or "hey you have been elected citizen of the year" LOL. Anyway my cousin and I had a good laugh today when I reenacted it.

I’m watching the last few minutes of "Urban Cowboy" with John Travolta and Debra Winger. I LOVE this movie. I’ve probably seen it 2 dozen times or more. I remember back in the early 80’s when the whole cowboy/country phase was in full swing. Everyone was wearing cowboy boots and line dancing. "Achy Breaky Heart" and "Boot Scootin’ Boogie" were played constantly. I had a great pair of boots. They were a beautiful burgundy color. My ex had a beautiful cream colored Stetson. It’s silly now but damn he looked good in it back then! Those were some great times. Very carefree and full of fun. I had a great job, my own apartment and a nice car. There were some bad times ahead that thankfully I knew nothing about. But there was also some job coming my way in the form a beautiful baby girl in 1984. Life would never be the same after that J .

I’ve been watching TV on and off all day. Everyone is remembering 9/11. I kept thinking of what I wanted to say about it. My friend Jules (Principassa Pollyanna) wrote a wonderful entry about the thin line between remembering and moving on. Then I read what another diarist wrote that was also true for me. There are no words, big enough, important enough or wise enough to comment on what this day means to all of us. So I will just say that yes, we will ALWAYS remember, and God Bless America.

Been cloudy and raining on and off for several days. The change in temperature is amazing but it’s sad to think how quickly summer seemed to go by. And September seems to be doing the same.

Well I can’t think of anything else so I’ll close. Hope you are all having a nice weekend. ((((HUGS)))))