08/21/2011
Hello there everyone!
As usual, it’s been a while.
We are still loving our new SUV! I just can’t get over how wonderful it feels to have a dependable vehicle. I love driving it and love being a passenger too. A few weeks ago Bonnie and I drove about 3 hours to see a friend of ours and I loved having the cruise control. Truth be told, I do not enjoy driving the way I once did. As long as I have trust in the driver, I prefer being the passenger and soaking up the scenery. And as much as I love beautiful countryside, I also enjoy driving around neighborhoods in the city looking at different houses. My city has such a huge selection of home styles…from row houses to cape cods, from duplexes to Victorians, from cottages to split levels. I love seeing all the different types, how they are decorated and landscaped, and of course it’s a bonus if the drapes are open and you can catch a glimpse inside.
I’m not sure if I had completed all the certification training for working when I last wrote an entry. Well I have now and will begin applying for jobs in September. For the next two weeks I will be hosting a Nanny Day Camp here at the house. Aimee took Makayla out of her school early, to save money and to give Makayla some time to chill out before she starts big school. We will be doing fun things but also I am going to work with her on her letters and numbers, writing and stuff, for an hour or so each day. Sort of a mini refresher course for all the stuff she learned in Pre-K. Aimee is still deciding whether or not to put her in before and/or after school care. They are pros and cons. If I get a job I have no idea what my hours will be. If she is not in before school care, I would be responsible for getting her on the bus each morning. All the other stuff aside, I honestly don’t how I will put my baby on a big ole school bus full of strangers and send her off. I swear I don’t know how people do it! I must just be over emotional but the mere thought of it makes me tear up. Of course in my head I know she will be fine, but will someone please come scoop up the emotional wreck that is me at the bus stop after the bus leaves? At least for the first week. Thank you.
I’m watching "Celebrity Rehab" as I’m typing this. I love this show. I love all shows about addiction and recovery. I’m sure that’s because I’m in recovery, no doubt I would not watch them if I was still using. I know a lot of people don’t care for reality shows but I like several of them. It’s amazing how addiction levels the playing field. I mean it really doesn’t matter who you are, how much you have, how famous you are, the color of your skin or who your family is. Drugs and alcohol will take you down to a level you never would have believed possible. If you have never personally watched someone you know and/or care about spiral downwards into addiction, it may be hard to understand the range a person will travel. I was no angel but I was a law abiding, hard working single mom. I took pride in my job and in my appearance. I was financially secure. I was honest and trustworthy and a very good daughter, mother, sister and friend to many. What I became was a liar, a sneak and a thief. I couldn’t be trusted or believed. I lost my car, several jobs and I was completely broke. Any money I had went straight to drugs. I was unkempt, hating even to take the time out to shower because it took time away from my drug use. I was neglectful in all my relationships and abused the love of those around me. I became unrecognizable even to myself. I think in some ways it’s more frightening to watch than to actually go through. But thank you God, I am clean and sober today!
I started to apologize for not being around here and not noting but I stopped myself. I’m here when I’m here and I note when I have something to say. It’s funny but it seems like no one ever notes me anymore. Karma I guess. But honestly I am okay with that. There was a time when I would have been crushed to see such a reduction in notes, but I’m finally at a point where I write here when I need to and I write for me. Not saying I don’t love getting notes because of course I do, but I don’t take it personally anymore when I don’t. My only concern is that you all know I care about you whether I’m around here much or not. I’m grateful that I get to connect with so many of you on Facebook.
Wishing you all a peace filled week!
Have no fear, you KNOW i will be here!!! I’m so happy about your new car, and thats it doing good!!! Wish i could say same…lol Yay, for your training:) You’re doing so well it seems, makes me *smile* {{{HUGGS}}}
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I’ll always be here to read your entries and leave a note because I think you are a special person. I’m glad you didn’t apologize for using and participating on Open Diary in the way that you feel comfortable. It has changed over the years for many. I think it’s because we are all getting older. Congrats on completing your certification for working. Go you!
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i suck at leaving notes. most times, everybody else has already said what i want to say, so i don’t say. maybe i should stop that. i try not to miss your entries. cuz i like you and stuff. you have a good head. and you are commpassionite. and you keep writing for you. you do pretty good at it and some of us get good out of it. sounds like a good thing, unless you are stressing about it.
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Does Makayla start Kindergarten this year? It’s amazing how fast they grow. My grandson is not going to Pre-K. His Mom decided he wasn’t ready to go yet. I disagree but hey I’m just the Nana. It would be hard for me to pick him up though. Pre-K is only a half day in this school district. The oldest starts 5th grade tomorrow. They are sure getting big aren’t they? Lot of hugs, smiles, and love!!!!
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The thing that gets me about Celebrity Rehab is that I am pretty certain they get by with behaviors there that would NEVER be tolerated in a rehab center for non-celebrities. It seems to me that giving them some day-to-day tasks like keeping their rooms clean, keeping the facilities clean, and participating in meal preparation and clean up (you know, not being waited on like “normal” people aren’t waited on) would go a LONG WAY towards their recovery in that I believe most celebrity addicts are as much addicted to their “specialness” as anything else. There are a couple of them who I’d have ended up smacking the crap out of (Janice Dickensen comes to mind) for their attitudes of entitlement. They don’t ever get told “Hey, you’re a junkie/drunk just like the homeless guy on the streets dude! Get a grip and get over yourself!” /Steps off soapbox… 🙂
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I’m thankful we don’t have to put Asher I’m a bus, his school is literally in his back yard. But there’s still a part of me that wants to protect him. I’ll get to pick him up from school and hear all about his day. 🙂
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RYNRMN: Okay, I can accept the effects of withdrawal. But I still think a little bit of “regular people” treatment would do these people a WORLD of good! Especially when they go on to Sober House. I just can’t even watch that the way they act when they go out on their “service” assignments. And I love how you take such ownership of your own dis-ease and recovery. That’s why it has worked for you. No excusses. No BS. Just “I was powerless over the substances, but I am still accountable for my actions”. <3 you and so grateful to have you in my life!
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I am really glad when you note. I wonder about you, Aimee and the children. I didn’t know you were going to try to go back to work. I’m glad for you:)
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a lot of my faves and migrated to facebook. i’m just not there much. heck, i’m not here much, either. lol. lately, when i’ve been having kids 10-12 hours a day, i just get tired and overwhelmed and can’t keep up with everyone. so, i do the best i can. it is wonderful how you’ve turned your life around and are clean/sober today 🙂
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