so this is what its like
I just keep repeating to myself " So this is what its like"
To not have any time to DO anything that should get done
just enough time to do the things that Must get done
To share M with his son, not being able to kiss or hug when i want to
to have so much to say but cant speak when the boy can hear
So this is what its like…
To have a child
Living in my home
loving and putting to bed and caring for
only i didnt get to carry
So this is what its like…
to be a family, we arent really
yet it feels different then ever before
the custody is for 90days and I dont ever see him ever leaving
I hardly ever get a free min, i’m writing this while in bed because really i should be sleeping but i have so much on my mind still its hard to shut down. The court went well for M, he has custody for the next three months. That day of the hearing M allowed her to pick up him from daycare and keep him for the evening as long as he was back at school the next day. I was a bit worried she’d run but he was back at school the next day and when picked up he had lots to say. Mommy told him to lie about the hanger and told him to not talk to me or hug me to be rude to me. She told him daddy is a bum and was swearing about him to her family. Bad move..They went back to court the next day and he had the vistation she was award a few days before taken away. If she would like to see her son now she has to pay for supervised visits at a predetermined place. She is a terrible mother, she only wants to teach them to be mean and rude. There was also a child support court hearing where it was determed that his balance would be zero since he had custody now, but she wouldnt go along with that. So he had to fill out more papers and have her served the papers to modify the support, Now when that date comes up in a month he can make her pay child support to him. The judges and lawyers and DCF can tell she is lieing and catching her in those lies but she keeps on telling them anyway. She really only cares about sticking it to M, getting revenage and doing so is going to cost her the child, what mother would do that?
So we went to the mall and tried on wedding rings i think i’m going to go back and order them. I’m going to try and apply for a line of store credit, I hope that goes thru. Yes it will put me into even more debt but this is something VERY important to me, this is the symbol of our marriage/love. It takes 14days to order in his ring and mind will have to be resized, so i’ll probably go back very soon. He wants me to pick a date and as much as i want to it scares me a bit because then its a deadline for everything to be done by, but i guess there isnt much to do really. I’m thinking between the 12th and 20th, its gotta be before thanksgiving and the rush of xmas retail season. I would like my mother to come up and maybe we could to the mall and get one of those places to do my makeup for free and MAYBE find a pretty dress (thats a big maybe, at least something to wear and return) I"m not sure who he would like there, probably his mother at least and then we could go out to eat after. Yet with my mother around and his son and all how would we get to have our first night together. I dont think it would happen but if i could get the wedding and the moving to happen on the same weekend it would be great. Then my mom could help out with cleaning and packing and then the weekends would overlap and have two places to stay more room. I’m not sure how my mom will be able to stay here anyway with the boy here too. its gonna be crowded. I’m apartment searching too for a 2bedroom probably in the same town. I need to call a few people and get some times set up to go view the apartments or at least get some more information about the ones i found at least affordable. I know i’m not gonna get a weekend off in Dec to move and i dont want to wait till Jan so i have bout 30days to find a place is how i see it, my lease is ending where i am now so it will be good timing.
So this is what its like…to be me from now on…
I cant wait to change my name 🙂