restless night

i cant sleep, i have to be to work in 3 1/2hours for an open to close shift. I cant turn my mind off long enough to fall asleep. I lay in bed in silents and wait to hear keys in the door. I know its silly i just needed you. To be calm and lay with me so i would have been sleeping hours ago. Getting worried about tomorrow (today really) never worked on black friday before and its going to be nuts. I’m not quite sure how to handle that, putting a lot of pressure on myself i dont wanna mess up or get ppl pissed off.

I made dinner for thanksgiving, nothing overboard just something i felt like doing for myself. I guess i didnt wanna spend all day trying to forget the holiday so i gave into it instead. He came home and played and layed with me, i woke up around noon and put the food in the oven and took a shower and cleaned up around the house while he slept.  He called all his friends for greetings. He ate my meal even though he didnt like it and talked about ex which makes me feel compared. And i dont know who wins, since we are so much alike and think and do things the same. She has yours children so what are you doing with me, i always lose in comparison.

You wont decided or tell me where your going and  maybe your doing it so it doesnt hurt me. Because i dont wanna know your going back to her. And if your following whats the big secret bout it. undecided…one week left here…time is running short. Your going to make me stand on my own, be alone, to teach me something. But what if you find home again and i’m too far of a drive.

i dont need this tonight, i need to sleep. write it out of my mind and leave it here.. so you can read and not even talk about it with me. Yes its as if i’m talking to you, but no its not a coversation because you dont share back. I have that problem with my diary.

i got my keys to my new apartment i guess its real now, scary.

why am i dreaming so much lately and why are they about sex, does that make me shallow.

please please just go to sleep, see you sat..yeah..why does that seem so far away…..why sayin it bothers you and it makes me sad. its only two days, i can handle that…..tonight i’m just weak and i need you (even if i shouldnt) why is it so wrong to need someone sometimes.

i need more kisses