rainy sunshine days
So much as changed work wise again at the end of June i was offered a different store, a bit more pay (althought i havent seen it really). Its a different town, a more rich town and the customer base is mainly white snobby people expecting to get whatever they want. Yuck, i wasnt really prepared for that, it makes me miss my old store greatly at least the customers were more relatable then what i have now. Yet rich bitches tend to spend more money so this is a higher grossing store. I’ve been about a month in my new store, i’ve gotten a pretty good bead on the people working for me. They are all pretty good sales ppl, just need to clean up better. Bad thing is most everyone will be returning to college in another month so i’m a little unsure of having to work around all their restrictions of shifts they can work. We’ll see how it goes i guess…i dont like it as much as my last store..i just feel as if im punchin the clock somedays. I am doing what i’m supposes to just doesnt feel good enough. This is store is my bosses Home store too.. which means he is around at least once a week for an office day. Its more pressure to have things right because never known who will pop up at this store. They promoted as assitant mrger to store manager for my old store, we talk quite often, its bittersweet. I miss my old team.
I went to court with M over child support a couple weeks ago, it was a very long day. I thought he was going to jail i was scared what the judge was going to say. We had to wait all day till like 4pm before he called their case. My Ex went with us to pose as my bf so the M ex couldnt talk as much shit. The judge went easy on him after spend 3 dudes to jail that morning, i was shock he was let go with a payment plan only. His ex didnt seem very happy with the outcome she didnt even look or speak to us all day. There is another court date the end of Aug to check on the progress of repayment and lump sum payment. Which there is no way he can pay a lump sum, he isnt working currently. He is managing to make weekly payments though so i believe that will at least show he is trying. And he does seem to be really trying to find work, he went to a temp place and is filling out some applications. I made a resume for him to give with applications its the most effort i’ve seen him put out since he left his job in Dec. I hope some thing good comes from the effort.
When he does find work i’ll miss him. Its selfish of me but i like having him home when i come home and to sleep beside every night. I dont want to go back to oppsite schedule and just crossin paths. I met some more of his family and i was even called his girlfriend..its weird being introduced as that since i hardly ever am. It was a cookout on a sunday he came to get me from work and then we went to his moms/sisters they were making food he was playing music. I didnt really know anyone, i felt awkward but i tried to be social.
On july 5th, my great grandmother died so we headed to PA for a few days to attend the viewing and funeral. I havent lost too many people i’ve known, it was a bit sad for me the day i found out and the next but being back home it was okay. She had a good full life and was quite an old women so i didnt feel as if it should be a really sad event it was her time. I paid my share for the flowers by her coffin and lots of people brough my grandma food so we ate. It was really nice to be home and just relax we went FISHING with my two cousins my mom, my sister and her three kids it was really fun. I enjoyed myself i took pics and was even wearing shorts (borrowed from my sis) everyone caught fish. We went to this little pond friends of my aunt that was at the funeral and told us to come if we wanted. M really wanted to go fishing so thats what started it. I got sunburned i havent been outside like that in a long time. We spend wed-fri it was short but a much needed recharge for me.
On july 7 we made love and the protection broke i was scared and he seemed mad about it. He said whatever is meant to happen will so if something comes from it then thats how its supposes to be. My period has been weird the past couple months, in june i was three weeks late and then was short when it did happen. That made me super nervous ive never been that late before.. so now i should be starting around 20th maybe a few days after. I’m a little unsure since june was so far off the normal.. i figure i’m probably a week late this time. He asked me about it today if i was late, i said yes but not by a lot. I asked him if he would be mad at me if i ended up preggo. He said no he wouldnt be mad he would just have to deal with what happens saying again if its meant to happen then it will. I’m afraid he would leave me, i know he does not want another child. I’ve always wanted a baby but i’m scared if i end up with one he’ll leave me i’m not sure what to feel good or bad about it. He told me to take a test i told him i didnt want to, i dont want to know if i am. I’m just waiting it out hoping to get my period. Maybe its denial, i think it is..even if i found out i was i wouldnt believe it. I’ve never taken any birth control dont like the idea of putting that shit into my body it messes up so many women. I’m very much in love with my man. I’ve never had a condom break before. I’ve heard of it happening of course but i guess i thought.. women cant really get preggo that easy its only certain days in the cycle so whats the worry. If i get my period i’m gonna feel disappointed and if i dont i’m gonna feel the same way. I’ve always wanted an accident and at least this instance of love making was all his idea, which somewhere in my mind makes me feel a bit better then it wasnt me pushing for sex and then something like this happened then he couldnt accuse me of messing with the condom. It was all him and it was surprising and wonderful and now i feel all mixed up about it. Well enough about that.. if it turns out to be nothing i guess i wont need to write bout it again.
With the new store and being busy fixing that and then my grandma and such i havent been to the gym in a couple weeks. I feel guilty over it, i know that seems silly but its a waste of money to me if i’m not going. I want to i’m just tired when i get home from work lately dont have any energy for it.
Well thats enough for tonight, it was a big update for me. Hope things work out for the best whatever happens.
Even sunshines comes out on rainy days
Give me courage to believe in myself
And love thru every mess
Hold me tight if i fall
Because if i’m with you i’m
happily alive