please be happy

I’m not sure how to make my husband happy anymore. He’s sad maybe even becoming depressed. He’s changed and is stressed out with working and my being out on leave with no income. He feels the weight of money every sec and this whole time i just wanted him to understand the stress I feel toward my debt, i didnt want him to adopt the same feelings. Its my fault, i’ve pushed my worry onto him and its changed him. He feels like he can have no fun in life, he is tired of himself and feeling like a boring person. He says there is nothing good in his life. It scares me to hear him talk like this and it makes me a little mad too. Mad because he has me and 2 sons that he should take some pride in that he should get some happiness from but he seems to overlook that fact. I worry because i’ve seen him become depressed before and its not a pretty sight.

I could be a better wife. I can admit i dont try like i use to, i use to buy him things i couldnt afford to keep him smiling.  I use to give much more attention to him then i do now. I realized i shouldnt have to spend $500 for something in order for him to smile. It took me over a year to pay off just one of those gifts and i’m trying to make better choices with my  money.  Maybe i shouldnt maybe i should just throw away $400 on the new toy he desires so i can see him smile again, i just feel it shouldnt take that to make him happy. He complains he feels like a slave to his job he works just to pay bills and never has any money for fun stuff. We see things so differently, he is a spender i’m a saver. But i do feel very guilty cause i know alot of his weight he feels is because i’ve been out on leave from work, i wont let him spend stupidly because we dont have my income right now. He’s lost who he is, i’m not sure how i can help with that though. He wants to go out and DO something, but we never do, he never does. He just gets soo tired and annoyed of being in the house and this i can understand. I got annoyed when he said he was going out the other day and he wouldnt tell me where to, the whole issue that he is grown and doesnt need to explain himself. That is true, but i’d never leave the house without telling him where i was going, so i expect the same from him. I didnt press the issue and he went out alone and was gone a couple hours and returned and i didnt ask where, i know he needs that and i shouldnt question him.

He says we dont have anything in common and we dont see eye to eye about money. He still compares and talks about his ex when we are talking about issues and it annoys me, he says i should just break up with him then. Where is this saddness of his taking us? I dont like when he throws that statement out about little stuff, it worries me.  I know he has alot of stress and feels he’s given up so much of himself to be a family unit. I’ve waiting my whole life to have what i do right now and i dont need to go out to be happy. I’m happy with my baby in my arms and my husband at my side. Thats not enough for him i guess i was silly to think it would be. I wish i could get a better job, better pay with better hours so he wouldnt have to work at all. He says not working that year was one of the best times of his life, not having the stress.. yet it was also one of the worse depression phases of his life as well. But I’m glad he can see the better side of that year, i wish i could give him that stress free (work free) life style all the time. I want him to be happy. I feel like i’ve changed and it might be my fault because now with the baby i dont do the things i use to. I think life is too scheduled for him, he doesnt have any time to just go out to friends without having to worry bout time. I’m glad he is at least sharing his feelings with him. Maybe when i return to work he’ll feel better. Life will get turned upside down when i go back to work. He will have the baby all day, juggling one car and jr school and the baby and my work and jr mom visit and finding time for him to sleep its gonna be a nightmare.

I dont want to go back to work, i’m going to miss my baby. I fear the bond that will be made between baby and M will be stronger then baby and me. That makes me sad and feel stupid for thinking it but i do. I want to be favorite, i dont want another jr who loves daddy and is soo distant from his mom. Kids love M, maybe more then me. How dumb to be jealous of their relationship but i just want to be important to my baby. I do look foward to going back to work to get some stress off M and to just have a reason to get dressed and wake up in the morning to feel useful again. i took a full 8 weeks off and getting back in the swing of work will be hard and adjustment for the whole family again.

I want my husband to be happy
i want my stepson to learn respect
i want my baby to love me more