on my mind

I put on that cd of slow lovie songs and took off my clothes and got into bed. And all i can do is think about you. How much i miss you and i wish i could call. My mind is thinking too much so i find myself here. Wanting to talk to you unable, so here see, you can read.

And when i watch you sleep, i think i’d do anything in this world to keep you happy. To keep that peacefulness to your soul when your eyes are closed. I wish you were cuddled up next to me i rest so much better when u are around me. And it brings tears to my eyes how much i care and honestly that scares me a little too. How open, exposed i have become with you. Afraid ill do something to screw it up. Replaying in my head that u’d just up and leave me if i give you the smallest reason. I hope i’m enough. And i feel guilty for taking up so much of your time, you feel bad for your daughters truth… i do too. Makes me feel like i should give you back to your family, makes me feel like i’m taking you away from something already built. I dont want to get in the way, i dont want to be selfish. At the same time of course i wanna spend every min i can with you. Under all the troubles, do you still love her?  See where my mind goes sometimes, like i broke a family. She wants you back. Of course she does you are amazing. You say we are in different worlds and with time i’ll see how all the things we dont have in common…. but why do u make that sound bad?  Blame my age.. no i dont know that show, i’m just a baby.  I love learning about you, finding out how your dreams work and that you have ablity to see a true self. Differences yes of course there will be, but to me this isnt anything to worry about. I’m loving you so much and i didnt know love could be so simple and real. Hoping for my ex and hoping for yours… excuse me what about us?  I hope for us, a future..time. You stay here… and you stay there, and i feel bad that u dont have a home. Even tho you say that i know you dont feel that here. I feel it when your around me, a quiet little peace where i just dont need to worry so much. The wall is down, disappeared and i’m unguarded its never been like that so fast. I dont care if u see me with my hair a mess or my room hasnt been cleaned, it doesnt bother me when you see the flaws.  All the things in the past i’ve tried so long to cover up and keep neat and appear perfect.  I love when i wake up and your here and your son is jumping on my bed. Why you making me get so attached to that little boy, adorable heart grabber he is. I miss you and i feel overwhelmed with love, teary. Do you want a future with me? You want us to last, right?  I know i do, just like you.. i dont do short term. Could this lead to someplace i’ve never been before?  Dont forget kisses all the time. Kiss me at the door, always. Let me hold you when you sleep.

i need to lay down, but i just cant stop thinking about you…. now u see….