new job and children

life got busy again, i’ve wanted to write down whats been happening but when i get the chance to i’d just rather use the time to sleep. I got a job and kids all in the same week. i like it.

I started working at Radio Shack on Monday, august 6th. Back in july when i was looking on monster i saw they had an opening so applied thru the internet. I then went to an interview (open house) at the district offices and waited to hear back something.  A little over a week later i called them back and they told me to come in to fill out some papers, i was hopefully but it wasnt sure. But then i talked with the DM again and he asked me when i could started, cool! The store i got put into is like 5mins away from my house, hardly any drive. I’ve been training learning the register and cell phone world. I still have questions but i am understanding more and more. My title Asst Manager. I was hired into a training program, which starting next month i will have a weekly class and its sorta a fast track system to your own store, being a store mrger. Which i have to say at this point is sorta scary running my OWN store but the training looks really good so i hope by the time its thru i’ll have the skills i need. There is a total of five guys working in the store, plus me… one of them is leaving though. So before i know it i’m gonna have keys to the store and be able to open/close.  All the people there are nice and most are very helpful when i have questions. The pay is less then what i want and i am considering getting a second job for awhile to play catch up with my bills. You earn hourly plus comissions (spiffs) from wireless sales and performance. So there is extras on top of the hourly, just takes being good at selling to get them. Which i’m doing alright so far, i have good days and so-so ones. Its good to be working again. I had to go get clothes, which i need to get a couple more button shirts, but the earliest i have to be there is 9am and the latest is 9pm. So not terrible hours being working mostly afternoon thru closing shifts. i want this to work it seems like a good chance.

M’s daughter was going to camp during the summer but that ended the first week of august. He didnt move with his Ex which means she wont let him stay there with the kids. He needs to take them somewhere else and keep them during the day. The first day i went to work he brought the kids here after i left and took them back before i got home. The next morning, aug 7th, i met his daughter. Under the lie i was dereks gf…. not his, that he just stays here. She believes that even though i barely even see/talk with derek. It is hard being around M and not hugging him and having to watch what i say. Nay spent the night the first time she came here, along with Jr.  Since then she has been coming here everyday and spending the night a couple times each week. She starts school next week so she wont be here everyday anymore. It is interesting with her, she is so curious about everything and has a ton of questions. Eight years old going on twenty. Trying to always be underfoot and involed with anything that is going on..that part can get a bit annoying. But she good too, we play the wii together and took her to the store couple times, we watch movies and hang out here. I am cooking more too, making food for the kids. Jr is easier he doesnt pay attention to what is going on around him, i can still get stuff done and he listens better (for the time being). Or maybe its just because i’ve been around Jr  alot longer i am more comfortable telling him no or go do something.

I like it, the tiredness seeing them smile. i love taking care of someone. I dont get my alone time with M though, kids always around. He still doesnt have a home, some of things are here and some are at his mothers, he’s not settled not all in one place. And honestly he cant be, there isnt room enough for him to bring all his stuff here. He feels bad for not being able to help toward bills, he doesnt have the money. I know this and because of it he talks about moving back to his mothers. So he isnt living off of me. And what do i want?  The same things he does and i worry and consider his children more then he realizes. I want us to get our own apartment, two bedrooms. Get twin beds/bunkbed for when the kids come to stay. For him to be able to have a home someplace to put all his things and feel comfy. I want to pick up daily and clean house and go to work and come to our home. But he cant afford an apartment or even to go half.. which makes me very unsure of how things are going to play out. I’m struggling right now with money too.. i got behind on stuff and what i bring home is only enough to cover current stuff not help with the behind things. And in the middle of all this living/moving stuff is derek i dont wanna do him wrong but at the same time dont wanna be stuck w/him. Its a fine line..i think he is gonna end up going back to his parents while he plays catch up and honestly i depend on derek  to pay the bills here. I know M wouldnt be able to step up into that same spot. I would have to move. I think M doesnt wanna be a burden to me but at the same time wants to be with me. I want to be with him but i dont wanna get caught in something i have to do alone. Yet i’m soooo in love it clouds my judgment, i know he is aware of this. I dont dream a fairy tale anymore, guess i’ve grown beyond that. Now i just want to try my best to be happy in whatever situation. I’m so happy with him. I dont know Why i love him the way i do, maybe i’ll never figure it out but the why doesnt really matter when it feels this amazing. It just IS love and we didnt build it over time it has always just been there. Easy simple Truely in love with you.  

On the family side. My mother has moved from her apartment into my great grandma’s house (since she’s been living w/gram the house been empty) So my mom has been busy fixing up the place painting and planting new flowers making a little home for herself. My sister has gotten a job (the same time i did) which is good to hear. I havent spoken to my sister in a month. Found out she was reading my diary confronted her about it and she said no but i didnt believe her one bit, she was stressed at the time and i’m still waiting for the truth, but i cant believe anything she says.. so what good is that. But i ask my mother how she is doing. She was staying with my mom for a week and then returned home and her husband isnt living there anymore (for the time being anyway) she finally took enough of the crap and he isnt there i really hope this break lasts. He comes and spends time with the kids while she working sometimes… a lot of times they are with mom or gram. She will be fine without him, i hope she realizes that. With the new job i dont know when i’ll get the chance to go visit, probably just request or switch to get a weekend off and just go, they have a bunch of furnture, older dresser/tables ect they want to know if i would want when i move. I want M to go with me to meet my family see where i’m from, but i dont know if he ready for that. Kids are headed back to school they are excited about it. I talked with Taylor when she got her birthday gift. I sent mom bday giftcard out the other day and now Kevin bday is a little more then a week away, i better go online shopping, he’s turning 2.

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i like this path i’m on right now i feel fullfilled and useful, happy.