whoa.

so, um…..

that may actually look a little deceiving.
so you can really tell how HUGE that is….

that is the LARGE size creamer….not the little bottle. it’s the 32 oz-er.

this morning there was ZERO coffee left. okay, lies. there’s this huge container of crap coffee from BJ’s. and not only is it a cheapo crappy brand, IT’S A HUGE CONTAINER FROM BJ’S! unless you’re like, running a restaurant, i don’t see how you could possibly go through the whole container before it got stale. it’s been here for……A LONG time, and it tastes like mud & cigarette ashes. (aka, freaking nasty). i NEED my coffee to function….neeeeeeed….and i know that’s a problem i’ll have to face when ttc #2 rolls around but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. for now i’m indulging away.

i ended up with the car this morning, and we weren’t doing anything else so i figured…..why not take a ride to timmy ho’s? luke has finally started feeling better (though his ‘tude isn’t quite fantastic…more on that momentarily) and a trip out of the house, even if he doesn’t get out of the car, is a good time for him. he LOVES that his seat faces forward and he can see things now. i think it must have been like not realizing you were blind. you should see how animated he gets at everything going by!

so we go to timmy ho’s, and it’s SLAMMED. freakin’ SLAMMED. i did expect this to some extent because, it was during the morning rush hour, but this was ridiculous! i didn’t have anywhere to be, so i just pulled into the drive-thru line and waited. then i get to the speaker, and the person taking my order was WAAAAAAYYYYY too excited and practically sang the following to me: "Good Morning!!!!!!!!! Would you like to try one of our $.85 any size coffees today to celebrate our 25th anniversary in Western New York???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!".

oh yeah. iiiiii forgot. i don’t know how i did, considering every time i turn around a new sheet of coupons for their 25h anniversary suddenly materializes out of thin air.

immediately my order changed from a medium cafe mocha to a large black (so i could add my yummy creamer at home), and i said this to him. he exclaimed back, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPGRADE TO AN EXTRA LARGE FOR NO EXTRA CHARGE????!?!?!?!?!?!?!". (i wonder if that rhymed on accident or if they were all trained to be extremely disney-world-like annoying for the day). i debated over this for a second, thinking…..this is the best deal, but will i drink it? in some form of a panic over not having any means to coffee at home and thinking that heating up old timmy ho’s would be better than brewing mud-ash-coffee, i said, what the heck. sure.

and so now i’m sipping my half gallon of coffee.
🙂

soooo. luke. and his raging ‘tude.

basically i think, new toddlerhood + being sick spoiling = bratty mcbrat brat.

i totally hate even admitting this as his mom, because i don’t want to be the mom with THAT kid. but, i can tell you, as an insider now, it’s easier to see…..well, everything. and in the past i was 100% convinced that a bratty kid was 100% the parents fault. and yeah….there IS some blame to be pointed at me, though i think you will find shortly that it’s either justified or unavoidable. but the truth is….sometimes, kids hit funky phases, and they’re just going to be a brat…no matter how stellar of a parent you are.

luke has been sick for what feels like EVER (totally not true, but you know). over the past couple of weeks i’ve seen him suffer with fevers, stuffy and runny noses, a cough, fatigue, sore throats, painful ears, etc etc etc. when your baby is sick, all you want is them to feel better and you’ll go to any lengths to make this happen. one thing that kept playing over to me is that when I was sick, i could pop a sudafed and an ibuprofen and be on my merry way. slightly miserably, but functioning nonetheless. luke isn’t even allowed NEAR sudafed, and he gets a fraction of the dosage of ibuprofen via children’s motrin, so the poor kid has to deal with every single crappy symptom that comes along with being sick. it breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces to think of him suffering like that. as a result…….i did everything i could think of to make him comfy.

i snuggled with him in MY bed (and now he wants in my bed constantly). i broke his pacifier-only-in-his-room-for-sleeping rule and let him have it anytime he was inconsolable (and now he wants it 24/7). i let him have way too much milk via bottle because he was getting dehydrated and not wetting his diapers so any intake of liquid he had got a thumbs up from me, even if he really shouldn’t have had it (and now all he wants his milk, in a bottle, zero meals). i let him watch TV with me because it would calm him down to the point where i could relax him to sleep when he desperately needed to nap (and now he’s bored unless the TV is on). i let him eat crackers and bread over fruits & veggies because he actually WOULD eat them, even when his throat hurt too much to eat much else (and now, you guessed it, he’s spitting out all his fruits & veggies).

UGH!

so yeah, i know, i created this monster…….but what was i supposed to do, ya know? let my sick baby NOT eat, drink, sleep, be comforted while he was sick and miserable? it’s just such a friggin mess, now! i feel like all the efforts i took to avoid all the things above, and then some, were completely squashed in one week. how the heck do you recover from that? i guess i just have to rip it all away cold turkey and ignore his whining pleas for all of it until we get over the initial shock of it all.

one of the worst parts, is he went from being overly independent and wanting to move on his own all the time, to ONLY wanting to be held and carried every where. he throws a fit if you put him down for 20 seconds. and uh…….he’s 24 pounds. my back has been killllling me!

you know the best thing? he’s started "diving". well, i call it that because this is hockey town USA 🙂 i’ve taken to calling him derek roy, he’s known for his diving. basically when luke wants to "make a point", he dramatically "falls" and puts his head down on the floor as fast as he can get it there, and then cries like he’s been thrown down. i try to completely ignore him when he does it because i know this is his version of a tantrum and i refuse to give him coddling for it.

ha. husband knows what’s up.

me: luke is derek roy
lovey: Taking dives?

🙂

this is such a crappy situation. it’s like my first, okay…..figure this crap out and step up so your kid’s ‘tude doesn’t permanently go down the drain, moment. i just don’t know what the right thing to do is, exactly. i desperately want to do right by him. (obviously)

the other part of the mess is…..i have no mobility. i DO h

ave a car today, but only because i asked husband to drive my mom to work so that later, after luke naps and i have time to pack us up, we can come visit him at his mom’s. i figured….it was SOMETHING to do. i’m still nervous about bringing him around my mommy friends because i don’t want any chance of him passing his germs onto their little ones, but i really desperately need out of here. and so does luke. he’s been getting so freaking bored being stuck here, but with us all being sick i haven’t been able to bring him anywhere to socialize. i figure even though we’re just going to see his daddy, at least it’s in a new setting.

we really desperately need spring to get here so we can go for walks and crap even when we don’t have a car. oh and…..a house would be nice. MY house. without dog poop in the back yard so luke can run around and burn some energy.