Can we just call it, February?

Since getting the flu, I’ve had a lot of time with my thoughts. A lot of time for noticing what it means to be and to crave slow.

Every time someone from one of my various obligations appears needing something, I have this “ugh, really?” feeling…one that makes me question what I really want to carry with me in my every day life.

It’s surprisingly hard to let go, still, though.

I have a weird attachment to being in the loop.

I mean, once I made up my mind I said goodbye to the PTA and have had no regrets. It’s just that “goodbye” right now means I won’t be back in September….I still have to get roped into crap until June 30th. And to be perfectly honest, while we’ve been in survival mode these past two weeks, I have just skipped things because I can’t wrap my mind around them. At the end of the day…I’m not getting paid for it nor am I getting any personal benefits for my own kids, so who cares.

But what’s left after that…I dunno man. I change my mind every day. It’s a process.

I have so many things I want to accomplish in the name of simplicity and streamlining, but the actual execution feels so huge, still. I’m sure it’s the flu fatigue speaking. That, and it being February.

February is the worst month. It’s freezing cold, it’s germ-riddled, it’s ugly…wet, dirty snow everywhere. You can’t go outside for long, you can’t go in public places for fear of getting the germ of the week. And yet life still rages on…all full of its obligations and responsibilities. Thank goodness the district gives the kids a week off in February….even they know it’s not worth it.

This morning I woke up with thoughts of organizing and decluttering and switching out my wardrobe a little. And now I just want to go back to sleep. At least I’ve got 9 days of unscheduled freedom on deck.

Ha, which reminds me. Luke has had to come with me to all of my dropoff/pickup runs this week, and he made a comment yesterday that totally gave me validation. “Wow, now I know what it’s like to be you, you have to drive all over the place!” I was like, SEE! It’s a pain in the butt to break up your day into all these little segments, isn’t it? That’s why I feel like daily life is so frustrating…it’s SO segmented, it’s hard to stay in any sort of flow.

That concludes today’s version of stating the same thoughts I’ve had for the last 11 days in entry form. 😉

Happy weekend.